If You've Met A Cullen
by ansera
Summary: Edward Cullen is a single father with two kids, who is in desperate need for a nanny.


Okay, people, I know this is up here, but read it over at: twilightbigbang .dreamwidth .org/1106 .html because the formatting here is weird.

It was a puppet that greeted him; a creature with googly eyes (crusted with white paste because they hadn't known how to open the tube of glue, which had made a mess) and blood red felt (it was made during what was known in the family as 'The Vampire Phase') and a smile drawn in sparkly silver pen. The puppet spoke, Jane's voice coming from it: "Daddy, Alec's crying. I didn't do it."

Edward groaned, even as his legs swung around –he made sure Jane wasn't jostled off the bed, of course—to step into the slippers he kept pro-actively next to the bed. He glanced to his right, where the glowing LED numbers notified him that it was 5.43 in the morning. His alarm would go off in seventeen minutes. He could hear Alec now, wailing from his room.

Jane stood on his bed, the puppet on her right hand and her left stroking Marcus (Edward was forced into the buying the creature; he didn't even know what it was, hamster, guinea pig, they looked the same to him), who was hanging out of the pocket of her pajama bottom. She jumped off and jogged behind him as Edward walked towards the kids' room.

Alec was curled up in the middle of his bed, rocking from side to side. His puppet had been stuffed with cotton since he refused to wear it, a creation of white felt, golden eyes and blond string as hair.

Jane ran before him and climbed onto the bed, and Alec rocked forward to let her curl up behind him. As Edward moved closer, though, he leaned back.

"Alec, it's just me, just Daddy," he said softly, sitting next to him, careful not to touch him.

_The thing is, Alec's not like most kids, he's autistic. I don't want to call it troublesome, because I need Alec in my life with or without the illness, but it is. _Pause._ He is._

The small wailing noises continued, like a siren from one of his toys.

"Does something hurt?" he asked, using that same soft tone. "Or did you have a nightmare?"

"He didn't fall off the bed or nothing," Jane spoke up. She slept on the upper bunk of the double decker bed, although Edward knew that she spent half her nights on Alec's. In case something happened, like it had tonight.

"Well, what's wrong?" Edward tried, knowing that Alec probably wouldn't answer, that the most answer he would get was a continued wailing.

Sighing, he moved towards the small table at the other end of the room. There was a stack of books neatly arranged atop of it –Alec did it himself, and Edward sometimes thought he had the neatest child in the world, even if Jane made a mess out of it two seconds later—and pulled out one from the middle. "Here, Alec," he said, moving back to the boy, "should I read you _Someone's Messy_?"

The small wailing continued, and Edward then registered a similar sound from elsewhere. An ambulance, outside their house.

"Alec, is it the ambulance? The sound's loud," Edward said, keeping his voice softer than the wailing.

Alec continued, but the rocking slowed to a more constant pace. Jane looked at him, "Can you make the ambu'ance shush?" she asked, acting as a mouthpiece for the demands of her brother.

"I don't think so, but I could put on some music, would that be better?" he asked, addressing Alec, even though it was Jane answering.

"Put _Into The West_," Jane said firmly. "And then read," she added as an afterthought.

Edward nodded, moving to the small stereo system, where the iPod he'd bought for the family was docked. He squinted –his glasses were in his room, he'd forgotten to bring them—and pressed the small buttons, going through the Harry Potter Soundtrack and the different Disney collections till he reached Lord of The Rings.

"_Into The West_, Daddy, by Annie Lenox," Jane notified him from the bed.

Edward smiled wryly, "I know, Jane, I did introduce this to you, you know," he threw at her.

"Yeah, but you could've forgotten," she said sensibly, and Edward shook his head, grinning.

The song filled the room, and Edward adjusted the volume till the noise of the ambulance was drowned out. "Better?" he asked, turning back to Alec. The boy had stopped rocking, staring instead at his doll silently.

"Yeah," Alec said after a moment, his voice barely heard over the music.

"Now, the book," Jane insisted, holding out _Someone's Messy_. "You can even make the voices."

Edward glanced towards the clock; three minutes to 6 a.m., he would have to get himself ready for work. He turned back to his kids, Jane looking up at him expectantly, the book held in the puppet's mouth, and Alec, who held on to his plush toy. Then Alec looked up at him, less than a second, but Alec never looked at anyone directly aside from Jane.

He knew he'd made up his mind.

"Of course," and he sat down at the edge of the bed to read. "One afternoon Kanga opened the door to Roo's room and was very," he paused, "surprised by what she saw. 'What a mess!' said Kanga," Edward continued, the pitch of his voice rising. Jane giggled; Marcus curled up on the pillow above their heads.

He looked down at them, mock frowning. "Now, has someone in this room been messy too?" he said, looking at Jane pointedly. Jane laughed, and Alec smiled at that.

"I'm not messy," Jane protested. "Alec cleans up af'er me."

She had a point. For every mess that Jane made, every scatter of toys or clothes, Alec would dutifully make sure they were all stored away neatly, one atop of the other, or next to each other, in some semblance of order.

Edward shook his head and continued. "'But, Mama, every time I clean my room, it just gets messy again,' said Roo. 'And anyway, it doesn't really bother me.'"

"It don't bother me too," Jane agreed.

"'Well, it bothers me a lot,' said Kanga," Edward nodded. "I agree, it bothers me too."

"Daddy," Jane whined, "You're not reading proper."

"Fine, fine, no more interruptions," Edward conceded. "'Please tidy up your room. I can't even get to your dresser to put away these clean clothes!' Okay, one last interruption, could you-"

"Daddy," Jane said warningly, "finish the book and no more in'errupting."

"Yes, My Lord and Lady," he teased. His alarm went off in his room, and Edward spared a thought for the fact Heidi would be annoyed with his lateness, and that the kids would be late for school. He chose to ignore it. Roo was about to mess up his room.

* * *

><p>"Jane, stop that- Jane," Edward glanced at the mirror, watching Jane's reflection. "Haven't I told you not to suck your thumb?" he reprimanded.<p>

Jane pouted overtly. "But Alec's doing it."

He turned into an empty parking lot and carefully parked. "Alec," he said, turning in his seat to look at the two of them, now vaguely neater since they'd been showered and clothed in similar blue outfits (Jane enjoyed choosing clothes, she was going to go into fashion some day, Alec would be her secretary, according to her). "Would you please stop sucking your thumb?"

Alec looked down, and Edward sighed inwardly. "See," Jane said, and Edward narrowed his gaze on her. She understood the warning for what it was and lowered her gaze. She wasn't pleased, though, and Edward knew he'd have to make up for it somehow unless he wanted Jane's vow of silence for the next week.

And, if Jane kept silent, then Alec would follow suit, and he didn't need that problem on his hands.

_"Jane? Would you like toast?"_ Silence. _"Jane, is tomorrow when that Parent-Teacher meeting is going to be?"_ Silence. _"Crap, Alec, are you okay?"_Silence.

_"Whenever they decide to do this to me, it means nothing good for me. The last time, they almost got sick from not eating properly, their last teacher got really irritated with me for not making it to the meeting in time, and, well, Alec's hand's alright now, but he couldn't do art for a week and I'm not if that hurt him or me more."_

"Alec, Jane, would both of you please stop sucking on your thumbs, you know I don't like it," he said as calmly as he could, trying not to show his annoyance.

Alec turned towards Jane and murmured something. Jane nodded, then looked up at Edward. "If we do, do we get ice-cream later?"

Edward considered the deal, even though he knew what the answer was going to be. "After dinner, and no more than one scoop each."

"Deal," Jane said without hesitating, although Edward noticed that her hand was holding Alec's, and that she'd clenched it more tightly, as though signaling to her brother that something was happening.

It wasn't the first time he had seen that particular sight.

"Out of the car," he instructed. "You'll are already seven minutes late for school."

"Your fault," Jane said, "You took long to read Kanga and Roo." She scrambled down the side of the car, shoes making a squeaky noise and flashing blue and red as they hit the ground. Alec was quieter, sliding off the seat smoothly. He held onto Jane's hand, and Jane took Edward's.

"And who insisted that I change voices for every single character?" Edward said dryly.

"Us," Jane smiled, not a single sign of guilt on her face.

Alec and Jane stopped in the middle of a step (meaning Alec stopped and Jane had done the same so as to not make him feel more out of place) and Edward paused, before continuing. Around them, at the jungle gym that covered the grounds, children ran around, playing and yelling, and Alec ducked his head further, wincing.

They moved towards the bright green door of the pre-school, and Edward held it open for the other two to walk through.

The lady at the reception counter, Ms. Newton, smiled at him as he entered. "Alec, Jane," she greeted warmly, "Mr. Cullen, you know the way," she added, tilting her head towards the direction of their classroom.

Edward smiled politely and moved along the hallways, brightly lit and with paintings by the children hanging on the walls. Edward stopped at one corridor and they turned to look at the picture of a hamster, a cat, and a fish in a bowl. Scrawled at the bottom right of the painting were the names "Alec and Jane Cullen", not too visible unless one took time to properly admire the painting.

"Alec, look at your painting. It's the best painting here, isn't it?" Edward said, and Alec looked up, smiling at it.

"My painting," Alec said distinctly.

Edward nodded. "Your painting."

"And mine," Jane piped up.

"Our painting," Alec repeated. "Our painting," his grip on Jane's hand tightened as his grin widened. "Ours."

"Yes, yours," Edward agreed. Then he turned away. "Come on, you'll be late for your class."

"Thought we already were," Jane said.

"Later," Edward corrected.

He passed the different classrooms – toddlers, a huge playroom just for them, then their nursery classroom, and the arts class right next to it, then the class for preschoolers, then-

Edward knocked on the yellow door, opening it and poking his head in.

Everyone turned to look at them, the teacher –Mrs. Deena, an African American lady with a big voice, a big heart and, if the number of gifts she kept giving the class were right, a big purse—and the fifteen students already in class.

"Sorry for the time," Edward apologised, not able to look at Mrs. Deena right in the eye. She reminded him of one of his teachers from his own school days, and he always felt like a boy in her presence.

_"Edward Cullen, what in God's name are you doing to Mr. Blake? Let go of him at once." "Edward Cullen, stop playing with that, this is science, not a class to play in." "Edward Cullen! Do you want me to call your parents here?"_

"I wasn't a very well-behaved boy, so I keep wondering is Mrs. Deena's going to start screaming at me some day. She hasn't."

Pause. _"So far."_

"It's okay," Mrs. Deena said understandingly as Jane and Alec came in after him, still clasping hands. Jane smiled widely at everyone in the class, most of whom knew her as 'The Nice Twin' whilst Alec hunched his back further, pressing at the hand of the doll and pulling his away from Jane's, as though sensing that while here, she wasn't _just_his.

Disproving him of this, Jane firmly held on to his hand, leading him to the nearest table and seating them both down. "Hi, Jen," she said to the brunette girl next to them.

Then, she turned back, as though only then remembering that Edward was still there and said, "Bye, Daddy," pointedly.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Bye, Jane, I'll see you later, Alec. Thanks again," he said, nodding at Mrs. Deena.

"No problem," she said, then turned back to the class. "As I was saying, today, I want us to really show off our artistic skills. So, should we paint or color?"

Jane raised her hand immediately. "Alec and I think that we should color."

Alec hadn't said anything, but Mrs. Deena didn't question Jane's ability to read her brother's mind. "Does anyone else have an opinion?"

"What's an op-non?" a boy at the front asked, and Edward closed the door behind him. He heard Mrs. Deena give a definition, followed by a cacophony of sound as everyone gave their 'op-non's. He passed Ms. Newton again, as he left, and paused.

"Not to be a bother, but Alec's-"

"Alec is doing fine in his classes, Mr. Cullen," Ms. Newton said patiently. "No, he hasn't had any difficulty with his reading exercises; the teaching that you're giving him at home is fine. He hasn't been making many friends, he keeps close to his sister, but of all the twins we have here, many show the same closeness. He's already shown that he enjoys art, and we let him do that instead of music, with Matthew Grelly-"

"Jane mentioned him," Edward thought out loud. "Said that he likes singing to himself."

"Matthew enjoys singing, but he doesn't appreciate music lessons any more than Alec does, which is why we let them have an independent art class."

Edward nodded understandingly. "Anything else?"

"If there were, Mr. Cullen, I'd notify you immediately, you've given us your handphone number, your home phone number, your office number, your secretary's number, your wife's number-"

"Ex-wife," Edward interrupted.

Ms. Newton smiled sympathetically, and Edward felt a tinge of annoyance. He stifled it though, this woman had dealt with a lot of questions and queries from him, she didn't deserve to have his annoyance with Bella be vented on her.

"Yes, well, we also have the numbers of all of your siblings as well as your parents, including your father's work number and each of their home numbers. I assure you that we will be able to reach you should anything arise."

Edward smiled, rubbing the back of his neck. "I know I'm a little paranoid but…" he trailed off, shrugging.

Ms. Newton smiled more warmly. "I understand completely."

Edward caught sight of the picture of her and two girls and nodded. She did understand. "Thanks," he said, then checked his watch and cursed under his breath. Heidi was going to skewer him.

* * *

><p>"I'm not killing you, even though I should," Heidi said, tapping the tip of her shoe on the marble floor. "Parkman's been waiting for three minutes. You know how he gets, don't you?" Edward nodded, running a hand through his somewhat unkempt hair, and Heidi winced.<p>

"You look like shit," she said flatly.

Edward glanced at her, blond hair not a strand out of place, skirt at such a length that it showed off just enough of her legs, and her shirt cut low enough to show just enough chest. She knew how to keep the men around her pleased with her, at any rate.

_"The first time I saw Heidi, she told me flat-out that she wouldn't have sex with me just to get the job. Sometime after that, after we knew each other a bit better, she said she wouldn't mind having sex with me to get a raise, though. I haven't taken her up on the offer."_

"And you look as hot as ever," Edward replied.

She tugged the skirt up teasingly. "See something you like?"

Edward let out a laugh. "Yeah, that," he pointed towards the bowl of sweets she kept on her table.

"Haven't you eaten?" she asked, even as she threw him a sweet.

He shook his head. "No time, had to get the kids to school, we were late." She looked at him questioningly and he explained. "I was reading in the morning, Alec couldn't sleep."

"Again?" Heidi frowned.

Edward nodded, not expanding.

Heidi's eyes narrowed. "I've already told you what I think about those goddamned sleeping habits of yours-"

"So you really have no need to tell me again," he pointed out.

She rolled her eyes. "My job. You pay me a fucking lot for it too."

"Not for that sort of mouth, no."

"Just what it can do," she said lewdly, and Edward smirked. He shook his head as she laughed, and checked his appearance in the mirrored wall. Then, he smiled, showing just enough teeth, his eyes sharp. Heidi turned away. "Hate it when you smile like that, all shark-y," she muttered.

Edward's smile was replaced by a more genuine one instantly. "That's what Jane says."

Heidi sat down at her seat, tilting her head towards the door to his office; the impressive doors shut, the tinted window pane showing the figure of a man standing. Edward sighed, then walked towards it, straightening his back and fixing on a more polite expression as he opened the door.

"Mr. Parkman, I apologize for the delay," he said smoothly. The man was in his early forties, hair combed to cover the bald spot at the top of his head, suit expensive and shoes shining brighter than the silver of Heidi's little bracelets.

"No problem, Mr. Cullen," Parkman said, nervous.

He wasn't a confident man. But he was a financial genius, and he had enough money to pay for Edward's time. He also had a bad enough marriage to want to seek out Edward's help to begin with.

"Please, take a seat," Edward said, indicating with a hand. He sat down at the other end of the table that was the center of the large room, knowing that the chairs (his were made to be higher than those at Parkman's end) and the view behind him (the entire city laid out) would intimidate the already frightened man.

He did, and Edward readied himself to listen to stories that he'd heard too many times, and excuses that had been said in this room too many times, and couples that –like him and _her_— just couldn't work things out.

* * *

><p>Edward stretched out on the sofa couch gloriously, hearing bones snap and smiling at the looseness of his body. He closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of Alec and Jane playing something that required 'Hrr'ing sounds, as the new nanny he'd hired two weeks ago tried to make them quiet down unsuccessfully. He knew he should go over to tell her to stop, because it would probably only annoy them and make Alec upset, but he was too comfortable.<p>

Jane would tell her eventually, anyway.

As though reading his mind and responding, Jane yelled, "Stop that! You're stupid," followed by the pattering of feet as the two of them ran towards him.

Edward waited for them to enter the living room, easily identifiable since Jane was still yelling for the nanny to stop talking and the nanny was still reprimanding them for yelling, and then opened his eyes slowly.

Alec was covering his ears and had closed his eyes, and Jane had adopted a similar position, although hers was more out of stubbornness. The nanny appeared behind them. Her hair, so carefully pinned up on the first day two or maybe three weeks ago, was now a mess, her clothes in disarray. "Mr. Cullen," she gasped dramatically, and Edward resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

If he was going to fire the girl, he would have the courtesy to be polite to her beforehand.

_"Edward Cullen, you've got to be nicer. Mom and Dad taught you to be polite, after all. Yeah, I can be nice if I want to be."_ Inhale, exhale. _"If I want to be."_

"Alec, Jane," he gestured, opening his arms, and Jane didn't hesitate to climb onto his lap, squeezing herself on one side of Edward, head lying comfortably on his chest. Alec watched them for a moment then mimicked her actions side of him. Edward blinked, a most pleasant surprise, he thought to himself.

The nanny was watching him not a little fearfully, eyes wide and blinking.

Edward looked down at his children, hands held over him, and looked up at her again. He was too pleased to ruin the situation by destroying someone's livelihood. "You can go now," he said, his tone leaving no room for argument. The girl bowed clumsily before turning around.

He kept his arms around them, forcing his mind to clear, to enjoy the moment of peace that was so rare in his life.

"Daddy," Jane murmured.

"Yeah?"

"You're gon'na get rid of her, right?" she asked softly. "She was scolding 'Lec." Jane paused. "Only I get to scold him. Even you don't scold him." She was right, more often that not, he couldn't find it in himself to scold the boy. He usually scolded Jane for the trouble that she often got herself into, or the pair together, since Alec would follow his sister anywhere.

"She wasn't very nice, then?" Edward asked, as the front door clicked shut, signaling the girl's leave.

"Nope," Alec said glumly. "Mean."

"Very mean," Jane agreed.

"Well then, I can't say no to my Lord and Lady, after all, guess I'll just have to get a new nanny," Edward said, brushing his lips over the tops of their heads. Alec didn't even shy away from it like he usually did.

"We can choose a new one," Jane suggested.

"You'll find yourselves a new nanny, will you?" Edward asked, smiling lightly.

"Yeah, find one, and when we like 'em, then we can have 'em," she said, as though it made perfect sense.

On hindsight, it did, Edward thought. It would probably be best to let the kids meet the nanny before hiring her. And, it was probably best if he got one who would stay on full-time, live in the house with them, since a part-time nanny simply wasn't working out.

"We'll choose," Jane said, and Alec nodded slowly.

"We," Alec said, eyes fixed on their intertwined fingers.

"If you say so," Edward agreed. They sat, silent, for a few moments.

Then the two of them sat up synchronously, Jane announcing, "We'll go play now." Alec slid off the seat, followed by Jane, making sure that their hands didn't disconnect at any point in time, and then Jane turned and held out her other hand for Edward. "Come on, Daddy, we're playing airplane, we need someone to be the building."

"Why?" Edward asked, although he caught the hand, standing up and stretching slightly, feeling the ache deep in his bones.

"To fly around," Jane said in her you're-so-stupid tone of voice.

"You're going to fly around the building?" Edward asked skeptically, even as he was led to the play room.

"Yeah," Jane said confidently, before letting him into the room.

Stacked all across were rows after rows of building blocks, high enough to reach his waist easily, spanning all across the room – in a maze of sorts, he realized after a moment. It was complicated, some of the buildings taller than others, and imagining himself at their height, and could only wonder how confusing it would be for them; a mess of buildings, with themselves the plane.

It was a navigating nightmare.

"Alec made it," Jane said proudly.

Edward looked down at his son, who was already walking through the entire room without difficulty, making turns such that he didn't hit a dead end or topple the blocks over.

Jane followed him, although Edward saw that she had a tad more difficulty.

"Daddy," Jane pointed insistently at the middle of the maze, where an empty spot indicated where Edward guessed he was supposed to stand.

"Right," he muttered, carefully making his way to the center. He was glad for his somewhat scrawny body shape, because any bigger and he would have broken a building by now. "To the building spot."

Jane smiled brightly, and grinned when he stood at his rightful position.

"Okay, so stand there, and we'll play," she instructed.

Edward stood still, and stayed in the position with as little movement as position for the next hour, watching his children play airplane. The 'hrr'ing sounds filled the air, and he closed his eyes and relaxed.

* * *

><p>In times of trouble, Edward knew that he could depend on his parents. His father would willingly drop any work he was doing in the hospital, and his mother enjoyed visiting so much she sometimes invented reasons (Edward reminded her she had no need to) to visit her grandchildren.<p>

And when his mother knocked on the door the next day, Edward heard her reasons, "I was just checking to see if you've got enough to eat, already so thin," and the clucking of her tongue, before he opened the door.

She was wearing a shirt that proudly proclaimed, "If I Had Known Being A Grandma Was So Much Fun, I Would Have Done It First." His mother, for some reason, enjoyed wearing shirts with slogans. He opened his mouth to speak, but was silenced by the sound of Jane screaming.

"Gran'ma," then a mini-stampede as she ran and jumped into her Esme's arms.

He turned around, and Alec stood, smiling lightly at the two at the doorway.

"Oh, look at you," Esme murmured, holding on to Jane as she peppered her face with kisses. "You must've grown another inch since the last time I saw you."

Jane giggled; Esme'd been over only last week.

"And what have you done with your hair?" Esme continued, looking down at the cornrows that covered Jane's head. "This would've taken some time to do."

Jane nodded, braids whipping the air around her. "'Lec did it for me, we saw it on TV, and his hair was too short, so we did mine, it's nice, right? Real nice, real nice."

"Real nice," Alec agreed.

Edward looked at the messy cornrows that the two had constructed, hair flying everywhere, although the basic design was there. The hair was pulled tight, though, and Edward raised a hand to his own messy hair, wincing at the thought.

"Well, it looks absolutely gorgeous," Esme said, gently letting Jane down on the floor. She looked at Alec and smiled, walking over and kneeling next to him. Alec ducked his head, and Esme ruffled his hair, before standing up again.

Then she looked walked through the hallway to the living room, eyes taking in the layer of dust that was collecting on the tops of shelves, the lone pillow that was left abandoned on the ground, the empty cups (without coasters, he never remembered those) on the table, and probably a few other things that Edward himself would never notice. He groaned internally, and Esme cleared her throat.

"Kids, have you'll been doing more of those lovely art projects in school?" she asked.

As expected, Jane nodded, Alec's eyes brightening. "We finished more paintings, and we've been making new stuff, these molel's-"

"Models," Alec corrected.

"Yeah, models, and we colored them and stuff and they look real good and Mrs. Deena, she's been talking 'bout putting them up in class for everybody to see," Jane rambled, then paused abruptly, turning to Alec, who shrugged lightly before tilting his head towards Edward.

Jane nodded, obviously understanding whatever Alec had just said. "We'll go get them now, we'll take a while," she clarified, and Esme smiled.

"You two do that, I'll just be talking to your Daddy here." They scampered off, Jane giving him a knowing backward glance that just screamed, "Somebody's in trou-ble," complete with the sing-song voice, and Edward closed his eyes, inwardly groaning.

"Where did the last nanny go?" Esme asked, patting the cushions and picking up the small pillow, arranging it neatly, before taking a seat.

"The kids didn't like her," Edward said, more than willing to shift the blame away from himself.

_"I think I worry most for Edward, more than Alice, she's very, independent. Strong-willed. Not that Edward isn't."_ Light laughter. _"He got into his fair share of fights when he was younger, but he needs somebody to lean on. He and Bella, well, it wasn't the most steady of relationships, but it worked for a while. He needs someone else to lean on now. And a nanny, for all we know, could be that person."_

"And you didn't get a new one?"

"They said they wanted to choose the next one," he defended himself, crossing his arms.

Esme's brow rose disbelievingly. "Well, then have you sent out word that you're looking for a new one, for them to interview? Play with, see if they mingle well, something?"

Edward winced. "Not yet."

"Edward Anthony Cullen," she stared, and Edward knew nothing good ever came from that mouthful, "While you might not feel the need to have a nanny, your children do need somebody to look after them. I would think that considering your situation," she paused, to remind him either of the fact that Alec was different or maybe just that his ex-wife couldn't cope with that, "you would see the necessity for someone else-"

"We've been doing fine the past week," Edward argued weakly.

"One week, maybe, then what about the rest of your life?" Esme asked pointedly.

"They're still young-"

"They're not going to stay that way forever." She softened, "I still remember you, hair standing up," her gaze flickered up, "well, it still is, really, you should cut it. Alice and you would be fighting all the time, your little outfits all made up, and the moment you messed it up, Alice would start screaming, brought the whole house down," she smiled faintly at the memory.

Edward grinned, "I made sure to make a mess every time too," he said, teasingly proud.

"Dear Lord, the trouble you two caused me," she said, shaking her head, but Edward heard her smile and knew that she wouldn't be using that _tone_any longer. She looked up and saw his expression before he could stifle it, "Now, don't think I'm not still upset, I expect you to get a nanny within the week, or somebody," she rushed, knowing he would argue, "just to help you out."

"The kids'll probably take longer to choose somebody," he pointed out.

"Well, you had better make time that you find enough people to keep them happy, then," she said coolly, and, on cue, Jane ran in, Alec walking in at a slower pace behind her. Alec was pulling a small trolley, on which was an elaborate Play-Doh world.

Edward hadn't seen this, every time they worked on it they closed the door and put up the, "No Entry," sign that they'd painted, along with the flaming skull and red crosses that they'd added, for effect, they'd said. If he did enter, they would cover it with a piece of cloth and then stare at him until he gave up and left them to it.

But it was… comprehensive.

He could see their house, their front lawn along with mini bicycles, if awkwardly proportioned, right next to his Mom's house, twice the size of theirs. His Mom's house, he noticed, was entirely in blue, while their own was colored accurately. There were people, Alice, wearing something bright red, next to Jasper, who wore a more somber blue, Emmett and Rosalie were there too, dressed in identical purples. Esme and Carlisle had extras with them, the former carrying a tray of what he guessed were cookies and the latter with a briefcase.

They had no features, though, only faces and bodies and hair of different colors to differentiate them.

Next to that was his office, the long building in grey, the building itself, and the trees and garden around it in a darker shade of the same grey. There were small people along it, in straight lines, also in grey.

Then came a building it took him a moment to place, only because he didn't expect it to be there. The small clinic that Bella had worked at, answering phone calls and delivering anything her bosses asked her to. The building was black, and small, even smaller next to his own office.

He saw Alec watching him admire the building, and the boy's eyes didn't look down as he'd expected them to. Instead, he continued watching, and Edward nodded, almost to acknowledge the boy, before continuing his study of the board.

There was their school, in bright blue and yellow and red as though Superman was the 'in' thing, and brighter greens for their playground, complete with a swing and a little person on it that he thought might actually move if he tried to swing it.

"That's Bailey," Jane commented, seeing the attention her swing was receiving. "She never gets off the swing."

Esme laughed. "This is definitely an impressive thing you've got here," she commented, and Edward knew she was taking in the structure and everything it could mean. All those years of counseling coming out with one model.

There were other things Edward recognized, a playground that they liked to visit, right next to the park they spent some weekends in, and a mini Eiffel-tower-looking-_thing_that he couldn't figure out.

"It's not finished," Jane added. "We've still got to add some stuff, but it'll be done and then we'll give it in and it'll all be fine," she ended confidently.

"It looks fantastic," Edward said sincerely. "I could've helped you," he added, not hurt that they hadn't asked so much as curious. They did things independently all the time, but when school was involved, they usually asked for his help at some point or the other.

"Didn't wan'na," Jane shrugged. "We didn't need it, we could do it fine."

"You'll have already done an amazing job, I don't think I would have been of much use anyway," Edward grinned.

Esme shooed them off to their room them, turning back at the last moment, "Start making calls, now," she ordered, "These kids aren't going to be left alone any longer."

Edward sighed. He pulled out his Blackberry; Heidi was on speed dial. She picked up on the third ring. "You do know that I just left the office less than half an hour ago, right? This is overtime, I expect it to show in my pay," she snapped, although her tone was still more amused than anything.

"I need a new nanny," Edward said.

Heidi laughed, "What caused this change of mind? I've been bugging you for a week about it."

Edward sighed again. "My mother visited," he mumbled.

"What was that?" Heidi asked, definitely amused now.

"Esme visited," Edward repeated, and Heidi sniggered. "Oh, shut up, just get more people in here as early as you can get them, I'll get the kids to meet them all. Make sure they meet the usual standards," he paused, "actually, just get everybody, the usual sorts might not work anymore."

"How soon do you want them in?" Heidi asked, adopting a more professional stance immediately.

"As soon as you can get them," Edward said.

"An hour good for you?" she asked, and Edward heard typing in the background, and more clicking.

"How would you-"

"Did you honestly think I didn't ask people? You had to break some time." He could almost see her shrugging unapologetically.

Edward smiled. "Did I mention that I love you?"

"Not nearly enough," Heidi replied. "Okay, so, I've already narrowed the list to a good five people, all live in the neighborhood and I told them to be prepared to drop everything and come see you if I called."

"What did you do, threaten them?" Edward asked, and at the telling silence on the other end, let out a puff of breath. "Just give the names."

"Getting them now," she paused, and Edward could picture her scrolling through names on her computer, "We've got an Annie Lott, white, late twenties, worked as a preschool teacher for some time, favorite hobbies, swimming, helping out, playing with children," Heidi said, presenting the information almost mockingly. "She's engaged, living with her boyfriend."

"Sounds promising," Edward commented, knowing that wasn't the only option, although he'd be seeing all of them.

"And then, Gloria Lewis, white, thirty-six this year, she's had a husband for the past eleven years, their anniversary's coming up soon actually, no kids. Yet. She did a nursing stint for a bit, stopped that, helped out at one of those disgusting shops," Edward translated that to 'shops that sold items that cost less than a hundred dollars'. "Seems like one of those annoyingly happy people," she said.

"That's a good thing, we _want_happy, remember?" Edward said.

"Yeah, yeah," she said. "Moving on, Leonora Owens, Hispanic, isn't that a change?" she said, faking enthusiasm. "Prettier than the other two-"

"I'm looking for a nanny, just a nanny," Edward said dryly.

"Never hurts for them to be easy on the eyes," Heidi said easily. "She's done pretty much the same shit, she's got the credentials to back it up though, went to school with the goal of going into childcare." Heidi paused, "Who the hell aims to become a fucking nanny?" she asked incredulously.

"Obviously, she did, continue."

"She's married anyway, with a boy, so you've got no hope." She rushed on before Edward could comment. "So, now, we've got some Belinda Rajan, half-indian girl, looks like that one from that show," Heidi said, as if he should know which one from which show this girl looked like. "Loads of referrals, big names too, you know the Massons, they hired her, sent a letter and everything, and, she'll be expecting good money from the looks of it."

Money wasn't the issue, and they both knew it.

"I," Heidi said theatrically, "have of course saved the best for last. We don't get many guys to begin with, but this one," she laughed, "Well, you'll see. Jacob Black, hot boy, and boy because he's two years younger than you. He's got a degree, and he," she paused, more delicate than anything, and Edward straightened even though she couldn't see him, "specializes in kids with special needs."

Alec was a sensitive subject, they both knew that.

"That would be useful," he said, sounding strangely formal.

"Yes, yes it would be," Heidi agreed cautiously, before clearing her throat. "He's free a lot, but that's because he's not hired that often."

As always, there was usually something wrong with the nanny. "Well?" Edward asked expectantly.

"He's gay," she said shortly.

It wasn't that Edward was narrow-minded, or didn't know anyone gay, hell, he'd been supportive when Alice had decided to get a girlfriend. He knew that they weren't going to _do_anything with his children just because they weren't straight. But, he also knew that everyone else might not agree with him. In his neighborhood alone, he could imagine that some of them would actively show their displeasure with being next to a 'queer'.

"Well," Heidi prompted.

Edward breathed deeply. "It won't be an issue."

"Screw the neighbors?" Heidi asked.

"Screw the neighbors," he agreed, nodding.

"I'll ask them all to drop in, fifteen minutes with each sound good?" she asked. Edward knew she was being optimistic.

"Perfect," he said. "Thank you," he added, gratefully.

"It's my job, Mr. Cullen," she said teasingly. "I'll ask them to come down now, see you tomorrow," she added, hanging up.

Edward lowered the phone, absently locking it and throwing it on the couch before heading to the kid's room, where he could already hear Jane's high-pitched voice. "-and then, he made these by rolling them into real small balls, right?" A long pause followed, "yeah, and then, he put them together," another pause, "and that's all, it's easy, right?"

Esme's voice sounded, "I don't think I could do it nearly as well as you kids, though."

Edward looked in, where Alec sat down, the play-doh figures around him in neat lines, as Jane gave a running commentary on his actions. He was making a small man, in a dark grey color, and as Edward watched, he arranged it directly behind the other grey men in his office.

"That looks good," he commented, and Jane's head jerked back towards him.

"He's really good at it," she said proudly, and Alec ducked his head further down.

"I just came to tell you," he moved in, sitting on the bed next to his Mom, "that I was on the phone with Heidi. You know when the last nanny left, we said we'd be getting another?"

Jane frowned, and Alec's fingers stilled on the next roll of Play-Doh. "Yeah, we remember," Jane said slowly, sitting next to Alec.

"Since we've got to get another nanny, you guys said you would pick, didn't you?"

"We did," Jane agreed, although she spoke slowly, not sure of where the conversation was headed.

"Heidi's been talking to some people, and they've all agreed to come here, and you can talk to them. Then, you two tell me who you like, and we'll take whoever it is. How's that sound?" he asked.

Esme patted his shoulder, smiling. She, if nobody else in the room, was pleased with this turn of events. Jane was still frowning in thought, her hand seeking out Alec's almost instinctively. He watched the tightening of fingers, slight tapping, and then Jane looked up at him again, forehead clear of lines.

"Sounds fine," she said. "But what if we don't like none of those that come?"

"Then we'll have another round of people. But there are five people coming today; I think you can handle that many. Just talk to them or something, you don't need to do anything more," Edward said, looking at Jane even though he watched Alec with his peripheral vision. It was him that was of concern, Jane did well with just about everyone.

"All of 'em are coming today?" Jane sounded off, worried almost.

He nodded, "Five people. Unless you want them to come on different days, but it'll be easier to go through them batch by batch," he said.

Jane gnawed at her lip. "That's okay," she said, after a moment.

"Alec?" he asked, looking at his son.

Alec shrugged, then nodded. "Okay."

Relief spiked, and he smiled at them. "They won't be coming for a while, so you guys can continue playing till then." Neither made a move. Edward looked on a while longer, and it was his mother who broke the silence.

"Weren't you telling me how you made the trees, Jane?" she said, and Jane nodded, brightening slightly. She didn't move away from Alec, though, even as he moved on to pick up the green color and roll it into small balls that he joined together.

"The trees aren't proper, cause we just smush together the littler balls, and then we put them on the bottom bit, which's a bit like a stick, more than anything, it doesn't really have much going for it," she shrugged. "The buildings are cooler."

She pointed at their house, "Ours is brightest," she said significantly. "We've gotten the red and the brown and we put 'em together cause we searched for the colors on the Net and found out that it'd give us the proper color. And, the white isn't really white, so we put in yellow and we got it. Daddy doesn't clean the garden neither, so we made the grass longer."

Edward hadn't actually noticed that, and carefully didn't look at his mother for her reaction to that. At least he'd already started working on the nannies.

He reminded himself to give Heidi a raise. Again.

* * *

><p>Annie Lott enjoyed using the word 'like'. She looked like something out of a magazine, blond-haired and blue-eyed, and Edward wondered why Heidi hadn't commented on how pretty she was.<p>

"Like, if you ever left the house, I'll be, like, completely fine with the kids. I'll have games and if you give me a list of what they can or can't it, I'll be good," she smiled winningly, whitened teeth shining.

Jane was sitting next to him, Alec on the other side of her, not looking up at Annie. Esme sat on the other side of him, looking like a member of a judging panel. Which they were, of sorts.

"How've we want something else to eat?" Jane asked, her tone bordering on rude, and Edward knew she didn't like the girl.

"If you don't want it, then you can just tell me and I can make something up, like, really quickly," she emphasized. "Just have to tell me what you want, I'll learn how to make it."

She seemed like a good nanny.

Just not for his kids.

"Thank you, Ms. Lott-"

"Annie, please," she said, smiling at him in a manner he would call flirtatious except he knew he looked a mess now –his hair was never _not_a mess, but his shirt was crumpled and his pants had bits of Play-Doh on them—and he wondered why he hadn't gotten Heidi to make these people come tomorrow.

"Thank you, Annie," Esme interjected, and he was reminded of the reasons. His Mom was not patient where the people she cared about were concerned, and she cared more for those kids than anyone. "When meeting with strangers, how would you act?"

"Well, if they knew me or the kids, then I'd probably be friendly, although I wouldn't, like, invite them into the house or anything without your permission. If we don't know them," she paused, thinking, "then, like, I guess I won't become too familiar with them if the kids are with me. You don't have to worry about me bringing guys home or anything, my boyfriend doesn't like coming over to my work places," she said brightly.

Esme nodded. "Good," she said.

There was a stretch of silence, and Edward looked around. Jane didn't look at him. He shook his head slowly, "Well, I'll have my assistant contact you on the results of this, thank you for coming." He stood up and held out his hand, and she stood up reluctantly, shaking it. He guessed that she already knew she wouldn't be getting the job.

The doorbell rang, and he was beyond glad that he had an excuse to make her leave. "I'll show you out," he said politely, walking towards the door.

She nodded, smiling back at the three still seated, and followed him. The door opened, and she walked out, barely glancing at the lady standing at the doorway. Edward took in her slightly darker skin and admittedly pretty face, and guessed, "Mrs. Owens?"

"Yes," she held out her hand, shaking it shortly and pushing up her glasses with the other. "You must be Mr. Cullen, I've spoken to Heidi on the phone."

"You're right on time," he said, moving back to let her in. "My Mom's in, along with the two kids. This is," he gestured vaguely at the area, "our home." He was tired of this interviewing process and he'd only been through one girl.

"You have a lovely home," she smiled. She noticed the pictures on the walls, the children and their initials, all arranged professionally and in tune with the simplistic décor of the household. "You have lovely children," she smiled again. Edward wondered how long that opinion would last.

They turned into the living room and Jane stood up immediately.

"Hi, I'm Jane. This is my Grandma, you can call her Esme." Esme smiled, a little wearily, and stood, moving to shake hands. "It's nice to meet you," Jane said before Esme could. "This is Alec," she nodded towards Alec but held Mrs. Owen's eyes such that the woman wouldn't be staring at her brother.

"Well, it's nice to meet you too," Mrs. Owens said, smiling sweetly as she bended to shake Jane's small hand. "I've heard lovely things about you and your brother."

"Yeah? From who?" Jane asked.

"Jane," Edward said warningly. "Don't be rude."

Jane barely glanced up at him in acknowledgement of the warning. "You've been talking to Heidi? She likes me, we go shopping sometimes, cause Dad's not a huge fan of shopping. Do you like shopping?"

"I think it's a fine activity," Mrs. Owens said, "I enjoy shopping myself."

"What about shopping for us? Would you like doing that?"

"Jane," Edward stepped up and physically moved Jane back to her seat. "Why don't we let Mrs. Owens take a seat," he gestured towards the chair on the other side, "before we throw her all those questions, shall we?"

Jane sat down, and immediately started whispering to Alec, who only nodded and mumbled a few words between the rush of Jane's speech.

"Well, answering her question, I do enjoy shopping with the children. After making the decision to go into this line of jobs, I took out the children in my neighborhood quite frequently for little activities. Shopping, the park, for food, you name it, and I've probably brought them there," she said, smiling again. "It was absolutely lovely."

"Sounds lovely," Esme agreed.

"And you must go now, with your husband and child," Edward prompted.

Mrs. Owens (Edward couldn't remember her first name but that it would probably be _lovely_as well) smiled, as though expecting that lane of conversation. "My husband and I have been together for a few years, and, yes, I do go shopping with him. He works in a business that allows him to work from home, so I'm allowed to work as and when I want to since he can take care of Joey, our boy, and we can spend time together at some point anyway," she explained.

Edward nodded understandingly. "That's a nice arrangement."

"Yes, it is," she agreed, nodding. "It works for us."

"You like playing with Play-Doh?" Jane interrupted. Edward was almost thankful for it, he'd forgotten what he was supposed to ask. Alec was playing with his fingers and it was distracting him; this was a habit that he displayed only when nervous. He didn't want Alec nervous.

"I think Play-Doh's a lovely toy, although, of course, I'll have to be there to supervise you when it's being used. We wouldn't want you kids swallowing little bits of it, would you?" she smiled.

Edward almost winced, and Jane kept her smile even as her eyes closed over. She wasn't pleased. The children enjoyed their privacy, and Edward knew that he could trust them to take care of themselves when near their toys.

"That's lovely," Jane said, as close to mocking as she could get without Edward snapping at her. "And our food? Can you cook or are you gonna make us live on take-out?"

"I can cook quite decently, if I say so myself," Mrs. Owens said. "I can learn just about anything given the right instructions, all according to their food diet, and appropriate for their age. I won't give them too much fats, although the little one looks like he could use it," Alec flinched away, and Jane scooted closer to him. "Not too many carbohydrates or anything, I don't think children should overindulge with anything."

"That's sensible," Esme said, although she sounded slightly uncomfortable.

"You don't mind cleaning up messes?" Edward asked, although it wasn't too necessary where the kids were concerned. Alec cleaned up after himself. It was Edward who probably needed the nanny.

"I'm a good cleaner," Mrs. Owens said, smiling.

Edward almost wished that she would stop smiling already, it was getting on his nerves.

"That's just-"

The doorbell rang. Edward frowned, the next nanny was early. While this particular interview had only lasted, he glanced down at his watch and his eyes widened in realization that only ten minutes had passed, it felt like hours. Jane tugged at his sleeve.

"Make her go, Daddy, Alec's getting tetchy. And make sure the next one doesn't come in for a bit, I've got to calm him down first," she instructed in what she probably thought was a quiet voice.

Edward nodded slowly, then looked up. "Well, Mrs. Owens, thank you for your time, I'll get Heidi to contact you soon," he said, standing up.

"It was lovely visiting you, Mr. Cullen," she said politely.

Edward let her out of the house slowly –he did have to waste ten minutes after all— and opened the door. There was no one standing outside, and Edward didn't let the confusion show on his face and let Mrs. Owens out.

He stood at the doorway for a moment, and let out a small sound (later he would insist that it wasn't a yelp, as much it sounded like one, _really_) and blinked when a very tall and fit man (meaning, looming over Edward and with the capability of crushing him if he wanted to) appeared from the bushes.

_"It was kind of embarrassing, meeting your potential-future-employer like that. But my friend, Sam, he was something like the head of our group, used to say-"_ Clearing of his throat. _"Always get back on the horse."_ Pause. _"I always wondered why he said that since I don't think he ever got off the horse in the first place."_

_"It was a strange way to meet your potential-future-nanny, I suppose, but, well, it could've been worse, and I never thought much of first impressions. I mean, the first time I met Bella, I thought she was just annoying. Well, she did end up being quite annoying, but she wasn't all the time. And, the first time I met Heidi, I thought she was kind of slutty, which-"_ Short pause. _"She was too. First time I met the kids' school principal, I thought she was a bitch, and she is, bloody calls for donation, knows that I can't ignore them too. Huh. Maybe I should put more thought into the whole first impressions thing."_

The man (Black, he remembered the curious name) was dressed appropriately, with a small bag in hand, even if his pants had a few leaves stuck on them. "I'm so sorry," Black said, "I dropped a few papers in your bushes, and I hope whoever tends to the flowers won't mind, I only crushed a few, I think." He sounded like he was babbling, probably out of nervousness. Most people didn't kill their possible future employers' rose bushes before even being employed for the job.

"You must be Mr. Black," Edward said, holding out his hand in introduction.

"Jacob, please," Jacob said, "You must be Mr. Cullen, it's a pleasure to meet you," he looked back, "and your bushes."

"And we're both quite happy to meet you," Edward said, stifling a smile. "And, call me Edward," because he didn't quite feel right with people calling him by his last name while he said their first. Heidi said he should let it happen, since it meant that he assumed a higher position and status and that was always a good things and some other things that he tended not to listen to since Heidi spoke at length about the most obscure of topics.

"Am I on time? Heidi didn't give me a really specific time to come in, so I just left after she gave the call, I live a little away from here," Jacob said. He reminded Edward of Jane, she went on like this too.

"Perfect time, we'd just finished the interview with Mrs. Owens," Edward said.

Jacob looked like he wanted to ask something, but quickly shut his mouth. There was a silence that stretched a bit, and Jacob shuffled his feet awkwardly.

Edward stood at the door a while longer, because this definitely wasn't ten minutes just yet. "Has Heidi told you anything about the family?"

Jacob brightened. "Yes, she said that you've got two kids, twins, a boy and a girl, Alec and Jane, she said they were really good kids and that you were as a lawyer of sorts, and while you're an excellent Dad, you need someone else to help take care of them," he said, hardly pausing to take a breath and Edward blinked in slight surprise.

"Well, that was nice of Heidi," he mumbled.

Jacob grinned. "She seems really fond of you, all three of you," he added, and the implications there, that they didn't have a fourth person and that their Mom was gone and that maybe, just maybe, Heidi had mentioned that she'd left recently and just why she had, and Edward smiled faintly.

"Just the three of us, although my mother's in there right now," Edward nodded towards the door of the house. "My father comes over sometimes too, and my sister, Alice, with her husband, Jasper, and his sister, Rosalie, and her husband, Emmett."

"That's, uh, interesting," Jacob said. "I won't have my own family over, if that helps," he offered, looking uncomfortable for something to stay. "My Dad never bothered about my work, and we don't talk much now anyway, and my sisters don't live here, they live back in Forks-"

"Forks?" Edward interrupted, his brow rising. It was too great a coincidence to be true.

"Yeah, do you know it? Most people have never heard of it. If I'm lucky, they guess that it's somewhere in America." Jacob rubbed the back of his neck, hunching over as though trying not to stare down at Edward, not a very possible goal since Edward had to look up slightly just to meet his gaze.

"Bella, my ex-wife, she was from there. Isabella Swan."

"Swan, wait, Charlie Swan's daughter, that Bella?" Jacob laughed. "I knew her when we were kids, but she moved away to live with her Mom a long time back, haven't seen her in a while. How is sh-" Jacob stopped abruptly, smile dropping, "I'm sorry, obviously, I shouldn't be asking you that, sorry."

Edward shrugged. "It's okay."

_"It's not okay. This kid sounds like he had a crush or something on my ex-wife."_ Cracking of knuckles. _"Well, not a crush, he _is_ gay, but he cares about her. My ex-wife. What are the chances?"_Head meeting the desk loudly.

Jacob looked skeptical.

"Really, it's okay. We haven't been together in almost half a year now, we're getting used to the change. Small world though, both of you being from Forks." Edward smiled, and Jacob returned it, albeit more tentatively.

He glanced as smoothly as he could to his watch, and his smile grew as the larger hand hit the '6'. "Do you want to come in now?"

"That'd be great, thanks," Jacob said, ducking almost instinctively as he walked through the doorway, even if it wasn't necessary.

Edward led him quickly to the living room, where he could hear Jane's voice, high and happy, next to his Mom's. He walked in, and introduced them quickly, "Jane, Alec, and my Mom, Esme," he said. "This is Jacob Black."

"It's nice to meet you," Jacob grinned, moving over to shake Esme's hand, although he only smiled at the kids, making no contact. Edward frowned slightly, but Jacob seemed at ease, moving away to take the seat that Esme gestured at. "That's a cute doll you've got there," he commented, looking at the puppet on Jane's hand. "Made it yourself?"

"Yep," Jane beamed. "'Lec and me made it."

"Alec and I," Edward corrected.

Jane rolled her eyes, and Jacob's smile grew. "Well, it looks real good, I made one of those back in school, but that was a long time ago."

He avoided making eye contact with Alec, but Jane's grip on Alec's hand tightened, and he was quite sure Jacob noticed as well.

"How old are you?" Jane asked suddenly.

"Older than you," Jacob said smoothly.

"Younger than Daddy?"

"I don't know how old your Dad is," he answered, and as one, they turned to look at Edward. He blinked.

"I'm not telling you, so don't bother."

Jacob shrugged. "You'll have to figure that out some other time, then," he told Jane. "I'm sure Alec would be helpful for that one." Alec didn't look up, but Jane didn't say anything, so Edward guessed that he didn't mind it.

"So, do you like Play-Doh?"

Jacob let out a soft gasp, "Play-Doh? I love Play-Doh. I'm good with Play-Doh, used to make some of the biggest buildings in my whole family, I did. They used to call me The Builder, with the capitals."

Alec's eyes flickered up, if only just. Jane spoke for him. "You're not as good as us though, we're real good. Ask Gran'ma, she'll tell you. We've got this school project, and it was, it was, gigantic."

"Gigantic?" Jacob prompted teasingly.

Jane spread her arms. "Huge, really, and it was real good, and the teacher wants ta put it up for everybody to see and it's real nice and everybody can come see now," she said proudly, hands falling limp after a moment.

"I'd be honored if I got to see it too," Jacob said carefully, looking over at Edward.

Edward glanced at Jane, who ignored him and nodded excitedly. "Everybody's gonna come see it, didn't you hear? Everybody, so Daddy, and the whole family, which's Alice, and Jasper, and Rosalie, and Emmett, and Grandma, and Grandpa." She counted off on her fingers, and then held up the seven fingers at the end of it.

Alec nudged her, and Jane continued. "And our friends are all coming too, course, people in school and from'a playground and around here, and-"

"I think he understands, Jane," Esme interrupted before the girl could continue her excited babbling. "She gets excited about her art projects," Esme explained.

"You do a lot of art then, Jane? And Alec too, right?" Jacob finally looked at Alec, but not straight on.

"Yeah, we do," she answered for her brother, again, as she might always.

"In school or do you do extra classes too?" Jacob asked, not intrusive, just curious.

"Just in school, we don't like extra classes," Jane said, shrugging without any explanation. The others didn't provide any either, but Jacob didn't press for any. Edward felt like thanking him for that.

"From the sounds of it, you don't need extra classes either, you'll do just fine by yourselves."

Edward felt like going 'Score One for Jacob' because that alone would have scored points with both of them, Alec especially. He didn't like being told that he was dependent on others. Whether or not he was was a matter between him and his family. And that was an arrangement that worked fine with all of them.

He guessed who he'd be hiring too, from the looks of it.

Then again, there was the 'gay' thing, which he would have to talk to Jane and Alec about. They had maybe one friend with lesbian parents, a little African American girl in their school, but they knew nothing beyond that. Edward wasn't quite sure how to broach the topic. Thinking about it, he wasn't sure if he needed to broach the topic either, since he didn't think Jacob would bring it up himself, but it didn't hurt to be prepared.

Jane was saying something else and Edward wasn't really listening anymore, just watching the flow of conversation and the expressions on their faces, Jane's bright smile and Alec's glinting eyes and Jacob's impossibly large grin, and Edward felt a smile creep onto his own face at the sight.

Edward shaking his hips, then smacking his ass. _"This is the victory dance. Did it in school all the time, the girls loved it."_ Another smack of his ass. _"Especially that bit. And this is victory, folks, I've got a nanny."_A whoop.

He'd gotten someone who just might work with the family, and he couldn't remember the last time he'd been so relieved.

* * *

><p>"Did you like the family?" Edward asked, although he already knew the answer.<p>

"Jane's a talker," Jacob laughed. "Reminds me a bit of, well, me."

"I recognized the resemblance after the incident with the bushes," Edward said, standing next to aforementioned bushes.

"Am I going to be remembered as the guy who had an incident with the bushes for the rest of my time here?" Then he paused. "Sorry, I assumed that I'd be getting the- I mean, I'm sorry, that's putting a pressure and I already explained my," a delicate pause, "situation to Heidi and I've no idea whether you've thought through all that or seen the other Nannies or anything-"

"I cancelled with them," Edward interrupted.

Jacob blinked. "What?"

"A while after you came in, I said I had to get a phone call, remember? I lied, I was making a call, to Heidi, told her to tell the other girls not to bother coming and that we'd found our guy." He paused then. "I'm hoping you still want the jobs, the kids can be a handful. I'm sure you've already noticed that Alec is-"

"Yes," Jacob sounded confident, and Edward hadn't realized just how much expertise Jacob had on that. "Autistic, I'll have to talk to you about him in length, and Jane too, how they interact, but, you've raised them well, considering everything. They owe you."

Edward smiled, ducking his head. "I owe them, I'm not sure I could've survived my sort of job without knowing I'd be coming home to them – and you, now."

Jacob seemed to be stifling a laugh, and Edward's eyes widened, realizing just how that might be interpreted. "I just meant that you've got the job," he choked out. "Nothing more. I mean, Heidi told me that you were gay and everything, the people here might not like it that much, but I don't have an issue with it or anything, in case you're wondering. Nobody in the family does and I promise to talk to the kids to make sure they don't either."

Jacob's smile widened. "That's real nice of you," he said sincerely. "You don't have to go through that trouble-"

"No, I'm their Dad and, well, it's part of the job," he said.

Jacob laughed. "Yeah, you're a better Dad then most then. Last family had kids that had a fit when their parents let slip the gay things. Kids these days, young but," he shrugged, "it's like they know too much."

Edward nodded. "I know the feeling. I'm just waiting for the day where they start cussing or I have to give them all those major talks."

"I'm pretty sure they'd put that in the Nanny Job Description if children actually needed nannies at that age. Unfortunately, it's you parents who've got to deal with that bit. Although, those two seem pretty smart, I've no doubt that they could figure it all out on their own if they wanted to."

It was almost more frightening, that particular thought; the things they could learn without Edward having to teach them or talk to them about.

"At any rate," Edward shook his head, "you've got the job, Jane gave me the go-ahead earlier."

"Yeah, she's not very good at whispering, is she?" Jacob asked rhetorically.

Edward flushed. "It gets embarrassing, the things she says some times."

"She's got spirit," Jacob said.

"Nice way of putting she talks too much, has too much energy and annoys the heck out of every one around her?" Edward said.

"Mine did sound better."

"She'd like it more, for sure."

There was a silence, but more comfortable this time. "So, when should I start on the job?" Jacob asked, rocking on his feet in excitement.

"Well, we'll have to talk through the details, maybe make an appointment through Heidi, and we can meet to discuss all that over lunch?" Edward suggested.

"It's a date," Jacob said, winking, and Edward blushed, just a little, because he didn't intend any of it, but every time he spoke it came out sounding just _wrong_. Jacob noticed and laughed, which didn't really help much. "I didn't mean anything by that, I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable," he said, sincere, but still amused.

Edward shook his head definitively. "No, no, it's all fine. All fine by me, fine and dandy."

_"It isn't fine or dandy. It's kind of unnerving actually. But the kids like him, and that's all that matters. The kids like him, and that's all that matters. The kids like him, and that's all that matter. Focus on the mantra: the kids like him, and that's all that matters."_

"Well, I'll talk to Heidi, then, it was nice meeting all of you, like I said," Jacob repeated, holding out his hand.

Edward shook it, only now noticing that his hand was just about engulfed in the other man's, and stood back. "Thank _you_, I didn't think the kids would be pleased with anybody and, well, I'm not sure what I would've been able to find anybody else, really. They're hard to please."

"And I live to please," Jacob said, bowing comically.

Edward grinned.

"And now I go," Jacob said, walking out.

Edward sighed, a mixture of relief and joy and other things he couldn't exactly name, and turned back in. He could hear Jane the moment he opened the door, and Alec too, screeching in tune. "We got a nanny," all sing-song and just as happy, and he laughed and ran in, picking up Jane and spinning her along the way.

It was good, all of it. Even Jacob; especially Jacob.

* * *

><p>"I knew you'd take him," Heidi whooped. Edward was taking a ten-minute break between cases, and Heidi had dragged him to the small pantry. They sat across each other, eating the chocolate chip cookies that someone had left in the cupboard.<p>

Edward rolled his eyes, shifting on the hard seat. "Don't put it like that, I just hired him."

Heidi's brow rose, arching in a curve movie stars would kill for. "Edward fucking Cullen, are you_blushing_?" If Edward hadn't been blushing earlier, he definitely was now. Heidi dug a hand into the small pocket at her side, pulling out her slim phone. "I'm not sure if I should take a picture of this or tell Alice about it first," she thought aloud. "She'd want to me to take a picture," she decided, pulling up the phone.

Edward could only open his mouth in useless protest before the picture was taken, probably to be splattered all over the Internet, from Heidi's Twitter account, to her Facebook, where she was sure to tag everyone in the family, to the other dozen social networking websites she maintained a profile on.

Emmett, he thought, would have a field day.

He sighed, then held up his middle finger.

Heidi only laughed, snapping another picture.

"When are you meeting him?" she asked.

"Over lunch," Edward said.

Heidi's brow rose again. "Like a date?" she teased.

"I'm employing him to be a nanny, Heidi, not an escort," he said flatly.

Heidi shrugged. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind multi-tasking."

Edward threw the half-eaten cookie at her head, and she ducked quickly, the cookie whizzing past blonde hair to break into pieces on the ground. Heidi smirked, "I'm not cleaning that up."

"We'll run," Edward said, standing up and shoving the jar back into the cupboard.

"Who took the cookies from the cookie jar?" Heidi sang, laughing slightly.

_"Edward's an awesome boss, really. Of course, I'm an even more awesome secretary, so it all pans out. He needs a good nanny, I know that, he knows that now, but something seems different now."_ Long pause. _"I don't know, I think I'll do a background check on this Black fellow, just to be safe."_

"Whoever owns it probably owes me anyway," Edward said guiltlessly.

"Yeah, yeah," Heidi said, not believing the lie.

Edward glanced at his watch. "Kids are coming back late today, there's an extra lesson on after school."

"So you could take a longer lunch break if you wanted to," Heidi said suggestively, and continued quickly at Edward's glare. "I mean, just to be sure that you cover everything with Black, don't want to miss out anything important."

"Yeah, well, he likes the kids, the kids like him, I don't really care what he wants, I'll give it."

Heidi shook her head. "Too easy," she commented.

"Shut up," Edward said, walking back towards his office. "I'd prefer a full-time nanny this time, but if he isn't willing, I'd take a part-time one, too."

"You sound desperate."

"I am." Then groaned. "Shut up, shut up," he added, because he knew Heidi would comment.

Heidi grinned. "This boy's making you all sorts of woozy, you know?" Then she moved to sit at her desk, not letting Edward defend himself.

Edward entered his office without a word. His next client would arrive in less than ten minutes, and he still needed to prepare what he was about to say.

* * *

><p>He resisted the urge to stare at the small clock on the table, metal hands moving in time with the tune his fingers played, tapping his leg. He wondered if Heidi had actually somehow learned to slow the time in the room, because it felt endless. More so than usual.<p>

The man before him was boring him with needless details of his life, his marriage, information Heidi had already presented to him in a far more concise manner. Edward knew he'd get full custody of his little girl, but, as Heidi never failed to remind him, they were paid by the hour, and it was their duty to let men use their lawyers as psychiatrists. Their excellence in court drew in the fish, and their 'understanding nature' was their bait.

Mr. Checkers, for that was actually his name (Edward still found it a curious challenge not to snort at its absurdity) stopped abruptly, and Edward immediately nodded understandingly.

"I completely understand your situation, Mr. Checkers, and I assure you that everyone here will be working around the clock to ensure that you get what you deserve." He gave that smile that Jane and Heidi had dubbed as 'shark-like', but it seemed to comfort Mr. Checkers. He stood up, signaling the other man to stand with him, which he did albeit with a tinge of awkwardness that Edward had lost some fifteen years ago.

He left Mr. Checkers to Heidi, who smiled cursorily at the man and glared at him, before grabbing his coat and heading out. Lunch with Jacob Black was waiting.

Heidi had arranged the entire thing of course, the restaurant they were eating at was a 10 minute walk away from the office, and she'd already ordered food for them to arrive sharply at 1.30 p.m., knowing that Edward wouldn't be late because he was compulsive about punctuality and Jacob couldn't be because, well, no one with as much sense as he appeared to have would be late to lunch with an employer.

Rightfully, Jacob was already seated when Edward pushed open the door. He could only see his back, head a good few inches higher than most occupants. Edward was struck by how tall this man was for another second, but shook it off and walked forward.

"Jacob, it's nice to meet you again," he said smoothly, and Jacob stood quickly, just about looming over him to shake his hand.

"You too, Edward," Jacob grinned, bright and sharp. "Sorry, the food came when I sat, I didn't order anything," he said, gesturing at the table.

Edward glanced over the plates of food –and he was almost certain these were just the appetizers—and smiled briefly. Obviously, Heidi intended to make this lunch last. As though hearing this thought, his phone vibrated, and he sat down, pulling it out and opening the message quickly.

_I'll cover things here. You have fun. _

Edward smiled at the small smiley at the end of the message, Heidi liked using those.

_"The funny thing is I don't think Edward even realizes it. But he smiles differently depending on who he's thinking of. When it's Heidi, it's usually this small half-smile, half-smirk thing, and when it's the kids, well, it's the sweetest thing ever. I mean, I've only known him a couple of days and I could point it out, but he looks like the sort to be pretty dim 'bout this kind of stuff, you know? It's cute, though."_ Pause. _"Actually, he's kinda cute."_

_"Jacob just looked at me funny when I read the text. Do you think I've got something on my face? Shit, I should've gone to the bathroom first."_

"That was Heidi," he said, mostly in a –failed—attempt to fill up the rapidly forming awkward silence.

"Ah," Jacob cleared his throat. "How is she? And the kids," he thought, then added quickly, "your mom too, nice lady, very," another moment for thought, "regal."

"She'd like that," Edward thought aloud. "She's the queen of our family anyway. The kids are good, by the way, the same as ever. They've been doing some math, Alec's pretty good at it which isn't really a surprise. Jane can't stand it, but she pretends she can so that Alec isn't left doing it by himself. He doesn't really like being too alone. And Heidi, well, if Mom's the Queen, she's kind of the Princess."

Jacob laughed. "Even though you're technically the boss?"

"Especially because I'm technically the boss," Edward agreed. "All this," he waved a hand to encompass the food, "all because of her." Then he blinked, "Oh, we should eat," he started, and there was only the clatter of cutlery and the murmur of voices around them.

Edward forked his greens onto the plate and into his mouth on rote; he had food like this often enough. He looked up though when Jacob let out a low moan. "Christ, this is amazing," Jacob said between bites, and Edward watched with no little amazement the food practically vanishing from the table.

Jacob paused between chews, letting out low comments on how good the food was, or making noises- a groan, he had actually groaned. Edward smiled as the waitress who'd appeared to clear the tables raised her brows.

"They'll want you to fill our feedback form," she joked, and Jacob smiled up at her.

"Give my regards to the chef, this is delicious," he enthused, waving a forkful of food before him.

"'Course, love," the girl winked, and walked away, and Edward wasn't imagining that sway in her hips, the sudden cockiness in her manner.

Edward frowned, and Jacob laughed. "She's just flirting, she's young."

"Yes, because you're so old," Edward said sarcastically.

Jacob shrugged. "Older than her. What is she, seventeen?"

"To be young and seventeen," Edward murmured, taking a sip of the Coke that had been placed on the table. Nothing strong, because this was technically an interview –even if Jacob was busy eating, and Edward was busy watching him eat—and he couldn't remember the last time he'd had something stronger.

"You're not old, you know," Jacob commented with a smile.

"Yes, but I'm not exactly young either," Edward said wryly. "The kids don't help with that."

"Really?" Jacob took a long swig of his glass. "Kids always make me feel younger. Full of the vim and vigor of life and all that. All that energy is, it's infectious, it is."

"So you don't just see that huge difference between you and them and feel absolutely," Edward scrounged up his nose a little, "not young, at any rate."

Jacob laughed. "See, that's just not right. If you do feel old, then it's because you're working too hard. You look the sort too," he quickly went on, "not an insult or whatever. A good dad, just real busy, aren't you? Having an affair with your BlackBerry, maybe."

"Oh no," Edward grinned. "We're practically married. It's the iPhone I'm having an affair with," he sipped his drink. "What can I say, all those games, the kids insisted that I get one."

"The _kids_insisted?" Jacob asked teasingly. "So if I ask to look at the phone now, it's the kids who would've played Doodle Jump every time they got bored in a meeting, or Tap Tap, against Heidi a couple of hundred times, and they would've gotten high scores in Real Racing or finished all the levels in Cut The Rope, probably bought all the full versions too."

Edward managed not to choke on the chicken he was eating –he couldn't remember when exactly it was served, but Jacob was already done with his. "Is that the voice of experience I hear?"

"And he doesn't deny it," Jacob let out a soft whoop.

"Well, if it helps my case any, I don't buy the full versions until I've gone through the Lite," Edward offered.

"It doesn't help much, no," Jacob's eyes gleamed.

The waitress came by again, refilling their Coke bottles. Jacob smiled, and the girl giggled –actually giggled, when was the last time he'd heard a girl giggle?—before sashaying away.

Edward cleared his throat. "I thought you were, uh-"

"Gay?" Jacob clarified, and Edward nodded, feeling his cheeks heat a tad. "I am, but it never hurts to be friendly."

"There's friendly, and then there's-"

"Harmless flirting," Jacob shrugged. "She's young, one customer pays some extra attention to her, and she gets to go back and tell all her friends that the job is excellent, they pay well, the customers are hot, the customers all think she's hot, she becomes friendlier the next time she's on the job." He shrugged again. "Harmless flirting."

Edward had never thought of it like that. He didn't really interact with people who served him. Or those who kept his house clean. Or his garden. Or anyone who worked from him aside from Heidi really. Even his children's teachers he didn't know beyond the basics. He definitely didn't _flirt_with them.

"If it helps," Jacob continued, "she knows I'm gay. But when a gay guy finds you cute, then you know you are, that sort of thing."

"How would she know that?" Edward asked, because he wouldn't have guessed. Heidi would've told him that he wouldn't have guessed unless Jacob had kissed another man in front of him (and even then people do take part in the most queer of dares, no pun intended) but he didn't think people were that good at pointing gays out.

_"Are they? It's not like I'd know this stuff, I've hardly known anyone gay. I mean, I don't know that many people, period, but- why would I even want to find out? I'm not gay, so it doesn't matter to me. If a guy's gay, he's gay, he's gonna hit on other gay guys."_ Huff of breath. _"You think that's why people need to know when someone's gay? So that they don't hit on the wrong guys. But that's only when you're gay. It shouldn't matter if you're not- Oh, damn this, it doesn't matter, stop thinking about it, Edward."_ Pause. Muttered curse. _"I have really got to stop talking to myself."_

"She is a girl, they seem to be pretty quick on that sort of thing," Jacob pointed out. Even though Edward hadn't known this, he agreed. Females, he realized, had the advantage on quite a number of things. "Plus there's the fact that she's been talking to her colleagues about us and I've seen them say gay a couple of times," he ducked his head. "They're doing it again."

Edward blinked. "Wait, now?"

He shifted and Jacob's arm shot out, grabbing his forearm. "Don't turn back," he shook his head. "You haven't been in this position a lot have you?"

Edward looked down at the fingers wrapped around his arm –not soft or delicate like Bella's were; rougher, steadier—and shook his head. "Uh, no."

Jacob looked to where he was looking and laughed, taking his hand away. "Sorry about that, I didn't mean," he gestured vaguely but they both got it, so it didn't matter. "I meant, going out, having people talking about you."

"I don't think so?" Edward said, more of a question than anything else.

Jacob's smile softened. "Well, you probably have been, even though you didn't know it." His eyes flickered to the left of Edward's head. "It's common courtesy not to look at them. But, when you're walking out, smile at them or something, it'll make them feel better."

Edward's brow rose. "You've been in that position a lot, then?"

"What, grabbing men's hands?" Jacob grinned, teeth flashing, and Edward shook his head quickly. "I'm just joking, sorry, but, yeah. I do get stared at quite a bit. Hard not to, with my height."

With his everything, Edward amended.

"I've been in that other position too, quite a bit, and then a fair bit more," Jacob grinned, and Edward couldn't stop the blush that he knew was spreading across his cheeks, only clearer because of his pale skin, which was yet paler in the cold. "Sorry," Jacob said again. "But you're really easy."

"Pardon?" Edward said.

"I mean, to tease, I do it all the time with the boys back home," he stopped abruptly. "Wow, that made me sound like a pimp or something." Edward laughed at the description, and Jacob grinned. "I just meant the friends and all, we do stuff like that all the time. I'll tone it down, if you keep," he waved a hand in the air.

Edward's face must have shown his confusion.

"You know, all blushing," Jacob said with a half-smile. "Pretty adorable, but if you keep feeling so awkward, I'll try not."

Edward blushed again.

Jacob let out a loud laugh. "Edward Cullen, you're too easy," he said as the waitress came by. She paused and quickly collected the empty plates, although Edward swore he heard her snigger.

Jacob waited for her to walk out of earshot before he sighed. "And doesn't she have something to talk about now?"

Edward frowned. "What?"

"Now it's that cute gay couple in the corner," Jacob said, eyes watching the group of girls behind Edward. Edward's eyes widened. "Hey, hey, calm down, they're just being girls, young ones too. It's a thing for them, my straight friends can't stand it either."

Edward calmed down, visibly anyway. "It's, I guess something to get used to? Eventually," he trailed off.

"You don't have to get used to it," Jacob said. "I'm your nanny, on the job, I'll try not be as gay. If I can that is, it's hard separating it, I'm used to being me. The other places I've worked at, it usually lasts for a couple of months before somebody finds out, then there's the fighting and all that messiness, I don't want the kids or the folks to live through that, so I usually leave."

"If anybody in our neighborhood finds out," Edward rubbed the back of his neck, feeling tension rise at that thought alone. "There'll be words, and maybe a little," he was lying, nothing about it would be little, "talk around the place. I'll deal with it, though, I've lived there since Bella and I got married, so it shouldn't be a problem."

Jacob looked surprised. "You didn't move?"

Edward shook his head. "I considered it, but the kids' school is nearby, and everything's pretty convenient as it is now."

"Interesting," Jacob said softly. Edward didn't ask why. "And, what with everything, you'll want me as a full-time nanny?"

Edward had just about forgotten the point of lunch. "Yes, if you're fine with that. I mean, part time's good too, just not as good. Either way, the pay'll be good, and if you decide to stay on full-time, it won't be too much. You'll get Sundays off, of course, or Saturdays, whichever you want, and, anything else to make you feel more comfortable. We have two guest rooms and you can have your pick as to which one, we'll pay for the rest of your expenses and-"

He was babbling and Jacob waved him down to silence. "I'm more than willing to stay full time. I'm living with a couple of guys now, but that was temporary. I'd prefer Saturdays unless you have work, I'm flexible with that. Heidi's already covered the rest of it."

Of course she did, Edward sighed mentally. There wasn't much to cover, what with Heidi handling everything. He wasn't entirely sure why she had insisted on the lunch in the first place.

_"I've got an idea. About why Heidi's forced me to do this stuff, I mean. I don't want to think 'bout it. She's so- I don't know why I put up with her sometimes."_ Scoff. _"It's because I'm awesome. He won't admit it, but I'll give him time. I'm awesome like that."_

"So, do you prefer green or purple?" Edward asked.

Jacob blinked twice rapidly. "Excuse me?"

"The rooms, one's green, it's right next to the kids' room, and the other one's purple, so it's opposite the kid's room and next to mine," he explained.

"Ah," Jacob said, and then paused for a thought. "Would it be very gay for me to say purple?"

"Not at all," Edward said, smiling.

* * *

><p>"When's he coming?"<p>

"Soon, Jane," Edward sighed.

Jane lay on the sofa, head on Alec's lap, throwing a small glob of Play-Doh up and down. "That's what you said the last time I asked."

"That's because you last asked me all of ten seconds ago."

Jane sighed. "I'm tired of waiting."

"You've been waiting for about five minutes, and he's not supposed to come for another," he glanced down at his watch, "eight minutes."

"Eight whole minutes?" Jane groaned. "I'll die before that." Alec frowned, and she shook her head. "We both will, don't worry." The lines across his forehead cleared, and he caught his sister's Play-Doh and twisted it.

"Nobody's going to die," Edward said firmly, not looking up from his papers. "He's going to come, and he's going to settle into the-"

"Purple room," Jane finished. "Because he's gay," she added. She had taken to over-using that word. Every time the topic of the new nanny came out, so did the new word. She giggled. "Me and 'Lec looked on Google," she continued, and Edward froze, because the Internet tended to be explicit with results when certain questions were asked. "We couldn't go to loads of the sites though."

He sighed softly. He'd put in the blocks on his Mom's advice. Smart lady she was.

"I also remember telling you not to keep saying it," Edward said, looking over his glasses. Solely for effect. Jane only shrugged unapologetically.

"We won't ask 'im nothing. Promise."

Edward resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Now, why don't I believe that?"

Before Jane could answer –which she would, because she might have registered the sarcasm but she'd still feel the need to talk—the doorbell rang. She straightened, nearly hitting her head on Alec's, before clapping her hands. "He's here, okay, everyone, positions."

Edward grinned. "Somebody's watched too much TV."

Jane frowned. "Daddy, I told you, _positions_, that means you get into place. She gestured, and Edward put down his papers, making sure to be exaggeratingly slow. "Daddy," Jane flailed her arms, and he laughed, walking towards the door. Turning his back on them, he heard them scurry, pulling out art projects and positioning them around the room. If nothing else, his children liked showing off.

He opened the door and grinned at Jacob, who had around him two large suitcases and carried another bag. "Hey," he greeted, stepping back to let the man through. "Here, let me help with that," he said, moving to take a suitcase.

"Thanks," Jacob said, eyes flickering around the house. "The kids are…" he trailed off.

"They're in the living room," Edward said. "I swear that the place isn't usually so full of their stuff. They want to make a good first impression, I think. Or second impression. Heck, I'm just glad they cleared the house. Both of them, Alec usually does, but not Jane."

Jacob nodded understandingly. He left the suitcase and walked through the hallway to the living room, where Edward could already see a few large canvases on the ground, slanted to catch the attention of anyone walking past, and then a few figures and toys and random creations of his kids covering the tables, the chairs, and- "Where're my papers?" Edward asked, looking at the small dolls that covered the table where his work papers had been.

Jane ignored him. "Hi," she said cheerfully, walking towards Jacob.

He bent his knees, not quite reaching her height even then, but close enough. "Hello, are these all yours then?" He turned his head and smiled at Alec.

"Yep," Jane nodded, "we made 'em all. You can pick a couple if you want, for your room," she offered. Or maybe forced on Jacob. To her, it basically meant the same thing.

"Oh, really?" Jacob stood back up. "I can pick anything in the room at all? And I can keep it in my room?"

Jane nodded so fast that Edward thought she might crack something. "Anything."

"How've I pick you?" Jacob grinned. "Could I keep you in my room? I promise to feed you and take you out on walks."

Jane laughed. "I'm not a dog, silly," she laughed again. "Plus, then 'Lec wouldn't have me." She paused, cocking her head to the side in thought. "If you want, you can keep Daddy," she said.

Groan. _"Bloody hell, I'm going to smash my head against the wall, I swear. She knew the gay thing, she knew what it meant. And that look that she gave, that _look_, she knows exactly what that would sound like. I have grown a conniving little girl."_ Pause. Another groan. _"I swear, that's all her mother's genes. Or maybe Alice's. Do genes work like that?"_

"Keep your Daddy?" Jacob asked. "I don't know, do you think he'd fit in the room?" Edward closed his eyes and both Jacob and Jane laughed, like conspirators that Edward thought he would recognize for a long time to come.

"Have you seen your room yet?" Jane asked.

"Come," Alec said, walking forward towards The Purple Room.

Jane grabbed Alec's hand as he passed her, and held the other out for Jacob, which he took. Passing Edward, Jacob held out his other hand, and Edward shook his head. "I've got to try find my papers in this mess," he excused himself. Jane was probably going to give a full tour of the house, along with stories-

_"I've got loads to say, right, 'Lec?" "Yeah, she does." "Like, in our playroom once, there was this nanny who was real meanie to me, so I had my toys out and she was walking, and then I yelled, and she turned so quick she fell. And, and, in the kitchen, there was another nanny, and she wasn't nice too, so I made food in the 'chen with all sorts of stuff and had all the kids over and she came, and I had stuff on the floor, and I yelled and she came t'wards me but- and she fell. And then, when we were in Daddy's room, well, nobody goes into Daddy's room, so nannies didn't fall there. But in the guest room, the purple one, one nanny, they're all mean, really, and she-" "You're gonna scare the new nanny away." "Really? Huh."_

"You don't get scared by my stories, kay?" Jane was saying as they climbed up the stairs, pausing to point at the pictures and giving Jacob a thorough background story on each. "I mean, most of 'em have nannies falling, but even if you fall, you're kinda big, bigger than Daddy even, so you won't hurt, yeah?"

"Yeah," Jacob agreed. "You made all these nannies fall?"

"No," Jane protested. Then, "Well, maybe. I sometimes yell and then they're so surprised they fall down. S'not my fault really."

"Sadistic thing," Edward muttered, pulling off dolls and puppets in search of his papers as his daughter's voice became a distant murmur. He stopped for a moment when he couldn't hear her, because it was worrying. He paid these nannies to take care of his children, but hed never trusted them properly, and he'd only known Jacob for a while. So he worried. Naturally.

"Found them," he said to himself, holding up the papers. "Now I've got to do them. Come on, Edward, you can do it." He liked encouraging himself in third person. Alice said it wasn't normal, but what did _she_know?

He left to his room, turning on light music to fill the emptiness –usually, Jane's chatter was enough, but she was still talking to Jacob upstairs. Then he got to work. Gods, he hated working.

He only looked up when someone knocked.

"Come in," he called out, guessing it'd be Jacob. The kids never knocked.

"Hey," Jacob walked in, looking around. "Wowee," he whistled, "That's a lot of books." He looked at the shelves that covered all the walls.

"I haven't read all of them, though. Or most of them. Or even half of them, actually," Edward admitted, removing his glasses.

"And I didn't know you wore glasses either," Jacob said, sitting opposite him.

"I read when I was younger," Edward shrugged, shuffling papers together.

"Cute," Jacob commented off-handedly.

Edward didn't look up at him. He looked down at his watch instead, it was nearing eight. "Troublesome, really. At any rate, it's getting late, I should get the kids some-"

"Food," Jacob finished. "I hope you don't mind, Jane said you wouldn't, I made some stuff, not too heavy. Something nice cause she said the day needed ice-cream. She sent me in here to beg you to let them eat some ice-cream, actually."

"Of course they did, they're already taking advantage of the nanny," Edward smiled, stacking the papers up in the semblance of order and standing. "I'm sure I'll like whatever you make. Usually, I get home at seven. If I'm going to be late, I'll call ahead."

Jacob stood as well. "Sounds perfect," he said, moving forward to hold open the door. "After you," he grinned, cocky.

Edward rolled his eyes. "What did they do, make you watch old movies or something?"

"I'll have you know that my folks taught me some manners," Jacob said, walking with him towards the kitchen. He seemed familiar with the layout of the house already, and Edward –rightfully—guessed that Jane had gone through more than one tour of the area. She, after all, had more than one story for each room, and felt it necessary not to linger too long in any one.

"Daddy," Jane said, far too loudly.

"Indoor voice, Jane, indoor voice," Edward said exasperatedly, sitting at the head of the table.

"Have you ever seen this stuff?" she pointed to the food.

"Yes," Edward said.

"I haven't," she went on, ignoring him. "S'all so cool, right?"

Alec nodded. "Way cool."

Jacob grinned, sitting on the left of Edward, opposite Jane and Alec. "Now, eat, quietly," Jacob ordered. "And you," he stared at Jane, "don't talk while you're eating."

"I don't," Jane protested.

Jacob's brow rose.

She mumbled, "Not that much anyway."

* * *

><p>It was strange, perhaps, the routine that was easily established in their household after that. Days had patterns.<p>

"Wakey, wakey, guys," Jacob would yell in the mornings, because the man was naturally a morning person who raised hell every morning with Jane.

_"Every bloody morning. I'm dying. I can't wake up at five every morning. Especially not to people singing. Even Alec's doing it, I- I'm not strong enough."_ Thud. _"Damn it, Edward, you're not going to achieve anything besides chipping the paint on the wall by hitting your head. Or by talking to yourself. Again."_

Then there was the food. Jacob was a Martha Stewart type. Literally, because he actually watched the show, and Alec had taken to watching it with him quite dutifully. He also watched the Food Channel compulsively. Jane, of course, supported this completely, which made it next to impossible for Edward to change channels when their shows were on. Cooking shows.

_"Alec says that it's a lot like art, cooking is."_ Mumbling. _"Yeah, not exactly, more like something like that. It's pretty close, cause you've got making stuff outta other stuff." "Jacob's a good 'cher." "He's right 'bout that, Jacob's real good at teaching."_

Jacob brought them to the park, or the playground, or the zoo, or for a picnic, or for something or the other every weekend. Edward followed most times, otherwise Jane and Alec would turn those puppy-dog eyes on him and even Jacob had this _look_that he couldn't ignore. Heidi, of course, called him 'a fucking sap' for it all, and that was another issue.

"He's looking at you?" Heidi sounded skeptical.

"Thanks," Edward mumbled to the waitress. They were at lunch –a long lunch because Edward could make it happen and Heidi could make Edward make it happen—and Heidi had asked how things were with Jacob expecting a simple answer. "It's not just that he's looking, but," he chewed slowly on the piece of cake, "he's looking," he emphasized.

"I think we've got that bit covered," Heidi said sardonically. "I look at you, Jane and Alec look at you, your freaking Mom looks at you, so?"

"It's different when he does it," Edward said. He wasn't whining. He really wasn't.

"Yeah?" Heidi sounded amused. The bitch.

"I don't know, it's kind of-" Softer, sweeter, Jacob looked genuinely _everything_. Whatever emotion he felt, it showed like something tangible. Edward smiled softly at the thought, his nanny –he always had the urge to laugh at the word used with regards to Jacob, he didn't know why—was something better than most people. "It's better," he finished lamely.

Heidi looked at him, and Edward could practically see the gears turning in her mind, slotting together puzzle pieces like the one Jacob and the kids had, a thousand-piece puzzle.

The waitress came by to place drinks on their table and Heidi chose that moment to proclaim, loudly, "Holy fuck!"

"Heidi," Edward choked on his drink. "What the hell?" The waitress looked a little surprised, and quickly walked away. "I'm sorry," he called after her uselessly, trailing off before turning to glare at her. "I reiterate, what the hell? I think there was someone about half a mile away who didn't hear you, would you like to try that again?"

"Well, fuck," Heidi said, dropping back to her seat. She held up a hand to call the waitress. "I'm going to need something stronger to deal with this shit, vodka, two glasses."

"Wait, what shit?" Edward rubbed at his throat. He couldn't stand choking, it always hurt his throat worse than it did his siblings.

"You like him, you fucking like him," Heidi said, startled. "Jesus, you haven't liked someone since, nah, what you had with Bella wasn't healthy, probably didn't like her as much as obsess over her."

"I-"

_"What the fuck do I start with? That I didn't obsess over Bella, because I didn't, it was just a very, uh, passionate relationship really. Really. And I don't like him, I don't."_Indecipherable yelling.

"I don't like him," he said, and cleared his throat because it sounded like he was squeaking. "I don't, I don't know where you got that idea."

Heidi went, "Ahem, let me quote, 'His smile'," her voice became ridiculously high, and she had a grin on her face that made her look like she was on drugs. "'It's better'," she said, batting her eyes and ducking when Edward's hand moved to try hit her.

"I don't," Edward protested, "I'm not," he paused, looking around, and quickly lowered his voice, "gay."

"Yeah?" Heidi smirked. "High school, what was his name, Mike something?"

Edward blushed. "That wasn't my fault. He kept looking at me, I just- it was good attention. It wasn't," he fumbled with his words. "He doesn't count, at all. I mean, he's just, him, he was one guy-" He sighed. "Fuck, I shouldn't have told you about him."

"In your defense, you were drunk. And you're a shit drinker."

"That's because I don't drink."

Heidi shrugged. "Whatever. What about in college, you meet that guy with the weird name, Kaius?"

"Caius," Edward corrected. "And he wasn't weird, he was nice, he was a very good friend to me, actually." Heidi only stared. "He was just a friend."

"That you flirt with all the freaking time on the phone," Heidi scoffed.

"I do not."

"Yeah, you do," Heidi said. "Just own up, you're some bisexual little man-"

"Who's never done a thing with any other man," Edward protested.

Heidi ignored him and continued, "who's got a thing for his nanny." She smiled, optimistic, "Hey, he even works for you, I don't think he's allowed to turn you down. Plus, he's the nanny. You can be like Jude Law and his one, except you're not married, but you _are_indecently hot, so I don't think Jacob minds."

"Heidi," Edward warned.

Heidi ignored him. "Honestly, the way he acts around you." She didn't continue and Edward bit his inside cheek to keep from asking her, 'How the hell does he act and did anyone else notice and is it not just me then?', because wasn't that a sure-fire way for her to prove her point? She grinned. "You're begging inside for to me to spill, aren't you? Since I'm an angel, I will. For one, normal nannies aren't so huge on touching."

"He doesn't," Edward argued.

_"He does, it's driving me crazy, I swear. It's not anything big, but he kind of pulls at my hand instead of saying don't touch that or whatever. He even stands or sits real close to me, even if there's another seat free. He doesn't have to sit with me. Or talk to me. Which he does, we do, it's-"_

"Weird, I'm telling you. And you," Heidi pointed at him with one manicured finger. "You don't normally have hour long conversations with your employees about the Star Trek movies or Beethoven's freaking music or- or that weird cartoon that Jane likes to watch with all the monsters or-"

"I get the idea," Edward muttered, cutting her off.

"Do you really?" Heidi questioned, leaning forward. She steepled her fingers, elbows on the table, and steadily gazed at him.

Edward rolled his eyes. "It's like you're trying to be a really bad Bond villain."

In response, Heidi tapped the pads of her fingers together.

"Heidi," Edward said. Then he repeated her name, with more emphasis. He was hoping it would have the same reaction as it did when he said Jane's name in that tone, a mad scramble to straighten and insist on her innocence. Not that Heidi could ever be innocent. "Give it up. He doesn't. I don't. We just… don't."

"Let's just see how long you get to play that tune before the strings break, yes?"

* * *

><p>Jacob dropped onto the couch, a glass of milk in his hand. "I feel like having something heavier, but I know I can't." He groaned. "I hate this feeling. It sucks."<p>

Edward sniggered, leaning against the doorway. "You'll get used to it." He had orange juice, it felt better at four in the morning. Alec had been screaming again. Edward found it stranger that he wasn't the first in the room rather than that Alec had had another night like this after almost three weeks. Some of the longest periods of uninterrupted sleep in his life. He knew Jacob had something to do with that.

Jacob smiled wearily. "Yeah, but this wasn't so bad. Just noisy." He paused. "Actually, you might want to consider playing music all the time in their room, I'm pretty sure they could get a couple of CD's. The electricity bills would spike, but it would muffle out outside sound pretty steadily, and if it was music he chose, he wouldn't find it difficult sleeping with it. Jane wouldn't mind either way, I think."

Edward tilted his head slightly in thought. "I never considered that."

Jacob shrugged. "He isn't the first kid to go through that particular symptom, he won't be the last."

"Because there're a dozen kids around exactly like him?"

"Nope, every kid's different. If you've met one child with autism, then that's it, you've met one child with autism," Jacob said easily.

Edward stared at him. He took a breath, then exhaled sharply. "Don't think anyone's ever said that before."

"Maybe they should have," Jacob said, taking a sip of his milk. It left foam on his upper lip, and Edward grinned into his juice, deigning not to tell him just yet. He needed something funny; it was four in the morning, after all. He looked up. "Sit down, you're making me tetchy."

"Tetchy?" Edward laughed. "Nobody says tetchy, do they?" He sat down next to Jacob on the couch, instinctively, and then regretted the action when Jacob's arm fell behind him, not quite touching but close enough to feel the heat. Or maybe he was imagining it.

_"I _don't_ like him."_ Clearing of throat. _"I just feel him when he's near. Feel better too. Sometimes, it's like I could like him, but I don't, because he's a guy. And I don't bend that way. But maybe I could. Just maybe."_

"He likes me. I get that straight guys don't like thinking that they could like another guy, but he's not straight. Seriously, my gaydar is never wrong, ask anyone back home, they'll support that statement. Plus, it's not like I mind. Hell no, I'm bloody relishing in this. It's awesome. He

likes_ me."_

"Well, I just did," Jacob nudged him.

He was actually moving closer. Edward kept his breathing steady. He definitely wasn't telling Heidi, she'd have a fit, one of those strange high-pitched waving of hands dances that she did. Something she called 'girling' or 'faning' or, well, it didn't matter at any rate. Edward needed a distraction.

"You've got milk on your face," he said abruptly.

Jacob frowned, then lifted his fingers to his mouth, wiping. "Good?"

Edward looked up, smirking lips that seemed to know their effect. Not that they had one. But if they did, Jacob knew, and it showed. "It's fine," he mumbled.

"Sorry?" Jacob leaned closer.

"I said it's fine," Edward said, louder, leaning away slightly.

Jacob made a sound, a lot like a choked laugh, and Edward chose to ignore it. "You know, if you're getting uncomfortable, you only need to tell me," he said, sounding too (_too_) amused for Edward's liking. "I'll back off, no questions asked." Which just made it seem like there were questions that needed answering, which couldn't be good, could it?

"I'm fine, just peachy," Edward said, smiling awkwardly. "Actually, I think I should probably get to sleep. Just a couple hours more and I've got to get back to work." Jacob nodded, and Edward drained the rest of his drink in a few gulps and standing.

"Two," Jacob said as he was walking out.

"Pardon?" Edward paused.

"You'll wake up in two hours, by the time you're dressed I'll have breakfast out, we'll bring Jane and Alec to school even though it might make you late for work because you're stupid like that, you'll drop me off there, I'll find my way to wherever I need to go, you're going to be weird in the office, Heidi's going to make you talk, we'll probably end up having lunch together-"

Edward should have stopped him there, but he didn't. He didn't even turn back to look at Jacob.

"—I might say something during lunch or you might but we'll ignore it and go back to normal. Then you'll go back to the office, I'll go pick up the kids cause they can't stand that school bus, we'll come back here, play, do some work, watch Martha Stewart maybe, you'll come home, and we'll have dinner together like a family."

Which they were. Even Jacob.

"Sounds busy," he commented.

"Yeah," Jacob agreed. Edward heard movement, then footsteps, and Jacob was walking past him, carefully plucking the glass from his hand. "I'll wash these, you get to bed. You'll need your beauty sleep to keep on looking so good for the day ahead," he smirked.

_"It isn't a pick-up line. Or anything like that. Jacob isn't trying to- woo me or whatever. He's not. I'm straight. He's gay. He's my employee. It isn't a pick-up line. It isn't a pick-up line. Focus on this mantra, now: it isn't a pick-up line."_ Long pause. _"It still might be working, though."_

Edward woke up to the ringing sounds of Jane and Alec- singing? He wasn't entirely sure, he needed some coffee in him to make sense of the world. "A na na na na na na, John-"

"Jacob," Jacob himself yelled.

"Jingleheimer Schmidt, his name is my name too. Whenever we go out, the people always shout, there goes John-"

"Jacob!"

"Jingleheimer Schmidt. A na na na na na na, John-"

"Jacob!" His enthusiasm didn't even seem to wane, the ass.

"Christ," Edward muttered into his pillow. "Too early. Shower, Edward, just shower. Then coffee." He dragged himself out of bed and into the bathroom with much difficulty, wondering why he tortured himself like this every morning. He let himself continue with the thought that he only needed a few more years of this before he could take a few years off to relax. Fifteen minutes later, he was walking down the stairs and they were still singing that inane song.

"G'morning," Jacob said, stopping the flow of song from the kids.

"Hey, guys," Edward said, pecking the two on the head.

"What, no kiss for me?" Jacob said, joking. Or, at least Edward thought he was joking.

Jane looked up at him, a smile that seemed more like a smirk aimed at him. "What's wrong, Daddy? You're acting pretty weird."

Edward resisted the urge to smack her on the back of her head. And if she'd guessed it, then Heidi would. She did, because the moment he walked into the office she looked up and her brow rose slowly. "You look weird."

"Like shit?"

"No," she shook her head. "Just weird. Like, happy and not at the same time."

"Shut up," Edward said, sliding into the chair opposite Heidi. "I just heard my kids and my nanny sing John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt for over two hours. I might kill myself if I have to hear any of those words ever again."

"Even Jay-cob?" Heidi sing-songed.

He glared at her half-heartedly. "Especially Jacob."

"What did he do?" Heidi asked. "He didn't fuck you. I don't think he kissed you. Yet."

"Not a yet."

"Hell yes, there's a yet. He's going to do it. If you want me to, I could probably even arrange a time. Maybe during lunch today?" Wouldn't that just fit in with Jacob's plans, the man knew them too well. "What? He said something didn't he?"

"No," Edward said automatically. Heidi only waited. "Kind of. I think he might be," he couldn't say the word. "He might be f- Be f-" He stuttered on that stupid word.

"Fucking with your head?" Heidi offered. Edward glared at him. "Flirting," she sighed. "God, you're no fun. They mean the same thing anyway."

"I find it sad that you think that and mean it," Edward told her.

"Shut up, I'm going to arrange lunch for you two," she said, reaching for her phone. Edward's eyes widened, and she quickly kicked off the floor, letting the chair roll backwards. "I'm not going to say anything. Sheesh, you'll need to talk, I'm making it happen."

"You've got to be kidding, I'm not going to go to some lunch that you're arranging-"

"You're right," Heidi said. "You should arrange it." She punched in some numbers and held up the phone. "It's ringing." She threw it to him, "think fast." He caught it on reflex and tried not to throw it because he refused to be that childish.

_Talk to him_, Heidi mouthed.

Edward held up the phone to his ear slowly, it was still ringing, and then Jacob's voice. "Hey, Heidi. What's up?" Edward didn't say anything. He heard something clang on the other side. "Heidi? Is everything alright?"

"S'not Heidi," Edward mumbled.

"What?" Jacob sounded confused. "Edward, is that you? Is everything okay? Is Heidi okay? Are you okay? Oh god, are the kids-"

"The kids are fine," Edward said quickly because Jacob was sounding more and more panicked. "Heidi's fine and I'm-" he glared at Heidi, who was pushing him to his office, saying something about privacy. The door closed behind him and he finished his sentence, "fine. Just peachy."

"Now, why don't I believe you?" Jacob laughed slightly.

"Uh, where are you?" Edward asked. Distraction. Distraction.

"At the groceries, next to the ice-cream, the kids have given me strict instructions to get chocolate-chip for them, and strawberry for you, it's your favorite flavor, right?"

"Yeah, it is," Edward said.

"Strawberry, I'll get some fruits too, balance it all out." Jacob was moving. "So, why'd you call? And with Heidi's phone too. Something you want to tell me, over lunch maybe?"

"Uh-"

"Same place we had lunch the first time then?" He sounded so bloody casual about it, as though Edward wasn't pacing a hole into his carpet, or Heidi wasn't trying to eavesdrop at the door.

"Yes?"

"So, it's a date?"

_"He's asking me. He's freaking asking_ me_ whether it's a date. What do I say to that? Yes? Because it kind of is. No, because it can't be. It's just weird and wrong and strange-"_ Quick breathing. _"Oh god, what if it is? What'm I going to do? Should I change- I've gotta call Heidi, but I've got to say yes, first, oh-"_

"Yes," Edward said, and didn't even wait for Jacob to say anything before he hung up. He barely had to start yelling, "Heidi," before the girl came in, eyes shining and hands rubbing together.

"Oh, my boy's all grown up and having his first gay date." She stepped forward and grabbed his head, pressing their lips together for a second. "That might be the last straight kiss you ever have." She looked him up and down. "Well, we're supposed to do paperwork, but fuck that, we've got to get you cleaned up."

"I'm wearing a three-piece suit," Edward said dryly.

"And yet you still look crappy," she said without a pause, hands brushing over aforementioned suit. "Now, let us get you ready."

It took her hours to get his clothes ready, although she interspersed it with long speeches of the most inane things.

_"Edward doesn't appreciate my talk, he doesn't see the true meaning in it all. Like, when I told him about Chelsea and how he keeps on messing with people's relationships, I'm just trying to warn him cause there're going to be girls like Chelsea who try to break them up. Heck, that Rosalie chick? She might try to fuck with their relationship. Then Demetri, who is totally hot, I'm not just saying it to say it, but there're going to be other hot men, he's got to keep Jacob close. Renata the bitch? You're going to meet other bitches! And Santi- shit, I forgot to tell him about Santi-"_

"I look the same."

"It's in the details, Ed, the details. You are not a smart enough specimen to understand that." She patted his shoulders, then frowned. "Your hair, gods, I hate your hair, it makes you look so," Heidi pulled a face. "Gay."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Edward asked.

"Not when you do it," Heidi said, hands frisking through his hair. "Yuck."

"What are you, five?"

Heidi stuck out her tongue. "You gonna spank me, Daddy," she mocked. Edward glared up at her from his seat. She was standing over him, cleavage right in his line of vision –probably on purpose, knowing Heidi—and she stood now with her hands on her hips, gazing at his head. "What to do, what to do."

She thought a moment, then snapped her fingers. "Wax."

"What?"

"Just shush and let the mistress do her work. Now, I gotta tell you, I had this friend, right? Santiago. Really nice guy, I met him at this little bar-"

Edward didn't bother listening to the rest of it. Heidi kept telling these pointless stories.

* * *

><p>Heidi followed him right to the doorstep of the restaurant. He froze outside it, and she sighed. "Knew you'd do this." She turned and looked him straight-on. "Calm the fuck down. He's not going to bite, unless you ask nicely, I'd guess." His breathing quickened, and she placed her palms on his cheeks. "Not helping, sorry. Just calm down, be normal, he likes you, so I don't think you can do any wrong just yet."<p>

She leaned forward and kissed him again.

"Am I interrupting something?"

Jacob's voice made Edward whip his head to the right. "Jacob, hi."

Jacob looked between the two of them. "You know, I swear that you were just working for him. I didn't think there was anything-"

"There isn't," Edward said vehemently, stepping back quickly.

Heidi rolled her eyes. "Isn't that flattering? Ignore him." She stepped closer to Jacob, and kissed him, only a second, and Edward refused to study the rush of emotion the action caused him. "There, now you've got no need to be jealous."

"I wasn't," Jacob said.

"You sure about that?" Heidi smirked, and then turned. "Have fun on your little date, boys."

Edward blushed, deep, and watched Heidi walk away, attracting the attention of most of the men she passed. Jacob was holding the door open when he looked. "Thanks," Edward ducked his head, walking in.

"You're welcome," and Jacob was standing far too close to him; Edward could feel warm breath behind him. He didn't say anything but Jacob must have sensed it, because he moved back. But as though to make up for the larger distance between them, he placed a hand on Edward's back, guiding him towards the table they'd reserved.

"So," Edward drawled out the word as they took a seat. "Are you usually so-" he waved wildly as though it made perfect sense. Jacob stared at him blankly.

"So…?" he probed. "Gay? Loving? Awesome? They all fit," he winked, and crossed his legs, something Edward knew he did not because he ducked under the table to look but because he could feel Jacob's foot, the tip of it just grazing his knee. Probably accidental. Probably.

Maybe not.

"Touchy," Edward said, scooting back in his seat futilely.

Jacob bit back a smile. "With all my employers, male, female, straight," he paused and looked Edward up and down, "gay."

"Weird talking too," Edward said quietly.

"I think they call it innuendo. Or maybe flirting?" Jacob suggested.

Edward grinned.

"So listen," Jacob leaned back in his seat. "I know that you think you're not gay, but you kind of are. Because you do like me, I'm not stupid, and Jane tells me you're not either. This, because you look like one of those people who would lie to themselves to make themselves feel better, is a date. You said so. Here on, we will be dating. That fine?"

Edward tried not to gape.

"That fine?" Jacob moved closer, and Edward was suddenly grateful for the corner booth Heidi had reserved, because he wouldn't have had the sense to do it himself.

Edward coughed. He didn't move away, though, even if it took all his willpower not. "Sounds just-"

"Peachy?" Jacob guessed.

"I'm not that predictable, am I?" Edward asked.

Jacob grinned. "Just a little."

He rolled his eyes. "We should order."

"Already done," Jacob said smoothly. He shrugged when Edward looked at him. "Maybe more than a little."

Edward skipped the rest of work to have an extended lunch break. Heidi would take care of it, not without making lewd comments, but Edward ignored the constant buzzing of his phone.

"There's no way it was just a coincidence," Edward closed the car of the door.

"Of course it wasn't, the guys there were freaking genius, the crewmembers shirts, of course they'd pick out on shit like that when they were making the original series, and then the numbers later when people actually counted-"

"Because we really have nothing better to do, do we?" They laughed at the truth of that, walking up the pathway to their house. "But the numbers, they're pretty wicked, 73 percent for red, 8 percent for blue, then 10 for yellow, that's all quite specific-"

"You remembered all that," Jacob laughed. "The new Star Trek reboot guys knew though, Chief Engineer Olsen-"

"Was wearing a red suit when he died," Edward finished, smiling away. He fished out the keys to the door and opened it, then paused. With a girl, he'd be dropping her off at her home, kiss her, then leave. Of course, Jake wasn't a girl, and he already lived with Edward, and he got the idea that Jake tended to be the one acting –not acted on—in his relationships. It was different, if nothing else.

"You know," Jake said casually, "Normally I kiss on first dates, but I think I'll make an exception for this one, since you're so freaked and the people here are huge gossipers." He turned and waved to Mrs. Richman from across the street, who held up her gardening tools as though they were an excuse to stare at everyone.

Edward smiled, not sure if he was completely glad about that decision, and walked in, frowning to himself.

Jake closed the door behind them, locking in. Then he reached forward and tugged Edward back, turning him around. "Then again, nobody's in the house." And he kissed him.

Jake must have known what he was doing. Because he knew to keep soft, only the slightest bit of tongue reaching out to swipe across Edward's lip, hands falling –one to his waist and the other to the back of his neck—stepping closer till their chests were pressed against one another's. Edward might have made a small sound at that. Might have.

He pulled back just as quickly as he'd made his move, but he stayed in the same position, looking down at him, eyes somewhere between amusement and something else which Edward very particularly chose not to name. "Well?" he drawled.

Edward cleared his throat. "Uh, it was, nice?"

"_Nice_doesn't make people whimper. At least a very nice, I insist."

"I didn't whimper-"

Jake kissed him again, a little more pressure this time, and Edward was definitely whimpering, and moaning, hands clutching at Jake's shirt, and when Jake pulled away this time, Edward followed before sense caught up to him.

"Very nice?" Jake asked, smirking.

Edward nodded, then moved forward to kiss him.

* * *

><p><em>"He kissed me, he kissed me."<em> Laughter. _"I've never been kissed by a man, that was a first for me."_ Sigh. _"That was fun. Real fun. I'm pretty sure we'll do it again, and again, and again."_More laughter.

_"Daddy's been real happy lately. Like_ real_ happy. He started calling Jacob Jake."_ Giggling._"Yeah, and he's been nicer." "'Lec's right 'bout that. He gave us two scoops of ice-cream the other day, not just one. That was real nice of him, and he's only getting nicer. Jake's doing it, not sure how, but I saw 'em kissing once." "Yeah, kissing." Giggling. "We might be getting a new Daddy."_

_"Hey, hey, whatever it is, just remember I got them together. Heidi, folks! All my work."_Smirk.

_"I swear, my son sometimes thinks I'm an idiot. I go see him and that Jacob boy together, I call him and what does he talk about? Jake this, Jake that-" "Yeah, Ed's an idiot, I wanted to go up and see him with Jasper last Saturday, but he was out having a picnic, a freaking picnic, with Jacob and the kids. Christ, it's messed up-" "He was probably having sex with this boy, have you seen him?" "Rosalie!" Muttering. "Hey, guys- hey, are you talking about me and Jake?"_

_"I don't know what's going to happen. With me and Edward. Kids are taking it well, though, that's a good sign. He is too. That's even better. And me? I'm happy. It's all good."_


End file.
